People used to say, "Love is everything to a woman, and his career is everything to a man." But as times change, more and more women have careers of their own and are even starting up their own businesses, which has led to all kinds of "myths" cropping up about them. Some people think that a woman with the ability and the daring to found a business must be a kind of virago who "intimidates the men around her so much they can't breathe." And some people figure that women go-getters differ from ordinary women this way: they have a hard time finding a spouse, and even if they do, their marriage probably won't be up to the standards of happiness they have set for it.

Regrettably, these myths are not only deeply ingrained in most people's thinking--they also seem to match reality! Among the more than 100 model youth entrepreneurs selected in the R.O.C. over the years, there have been just four women, and three of them are divorced. And the outstanding women you see in the business world are almost all unmarried, divorced, widowed--or married but childless. Does that mean that women who value their careers have to keep away from love? Is it they who avoid love, or does love avoid them? What are their expectations for marriage and a family? Below are the heartfelt words of three rather typical women entrepreneurs.

Esther Huang (owner of Unity International Co., 40, single)

I never wanted to become a female overachiever, a go-getter. I'm really meek and quiet by nature. I can sit next to people for hours on end without saying a word. My ambition when I was I little was simple, just to be a housewife is all. What changed me around was my teacher of mine at the Scheaffer Art Institute in the U.S., Rudolph Scheaffer He made me feel "how many beautiful things there are in the world and how much joyous news there is to pass on," and it was his encouragement that made me a promoter of the idea of spreading joy and beauty.

Deep down, though, I always felt like I'd "been pushed in front of the public," and I'd quarrel with myself and with my fate--it was such a small thing I wanted, just a nice family. Why couldn't such a simple wish come true? Why did fate have to give me what I didn't want instead?! When friends saw me make friends with children so easily, they'd say, "Wow, you really ought to marry soon and have a baby!" I used to think that if I had a family, I'd be sure to lock myself at home and never share my happiness with others--I could be very, very happy all by myself at home.

Then three years ago--maybe my time had arrived--I finally told myself, "Okay, stop fighting! Do better at what fate has given you, feel a little more sense of duty, accept the arrangements of destiny, and stop griping and groaning!"

I think there are some aspects of running a business I'm not good at, as a woman. Just think how girls play house and boys play cops and robbers when they're little, and it's not hard to understand. But actually ambition is something you can work on. Maybe by the year 2000 there won't be any more dividing lines between the sexes.

Sharon Liu (owner of the Colorful Farmer Co., 35, divorced, with two children)

I've always been pretty traditional in my thinking. I was a typical "bride-to-be student" in junior college. I always thought that a woman's place was in the home, and I wanted to be a good wife and parent just like my mother, so after I married I quit my job and concentrated on being a housewife. But maybe our personalities weren't suited for each other. My ex-husband was a businessman, very practical and realistic. When we went to sec the movie The Lacemaker, for instance, I was moved to tears but he just fell asleep. Later he ordered me not to shop in art galleries, the reason being I couldn't control my urge to buy paintings and talk with the artists.

I never asked my husband much about what he did, which gave him the wrong idea that I didn't care. Then he started not coming home at night, to see whether I'd try to find him. It turned into a habit, and he found someone on the outside. By the time we got divorced, I had fretted myself away to just 37 kilos.

Starting up a business has been very hard, and I've changed a lot in every respect--not only my personality and ways of thought but even the shape of face, my expressions and the way I talk. Some people I know who haven't seen me for the past seven years don't recognize me.

A lot of people ask me if I'll ever get married again, but I really don't have time to think about it. When there's no pressing business at hand, I have to think about the theme for next season's collection or about my children's future. I only have a couple of hours a day to spend with my children. My parents help them with their homework, and my mother complains a lot that "she doesn't see hide nor hair of me." It would be very hard to remarry, I think. And if that day comes, I won't give up my career. couldn't be the same as I was before.

Gloria Wu (Owner of Wu Chu Yu Yoga Center, the Friendly House Hostel and the Easy Language Institute, 37, married, with two children)

A lot of people who see me now feel I'm full of drive and energy, bursting with self-confidence, and even call me "narcissistic." But in fact, a dozen or so years ago, before I studied yoga, I was a completely different person.

Back then, even though I've always had a strong personality, I felt that women should depend on their husbands after they married. Like they say: "Marry a chicken and follow a chicken, marry a dog and follow a dog!" So after I married I worked in the same office as my husband. But there was a lot of pressure. I lacked self-confidence, had a bad temper and quarreled a lot with my husband in front of other people. I was very unhappy.

When I began practicing yoga, I changed a lot. I had more self-confidence and a much better temper. But when I decided I wanted to start up a class of my own, the whole family was against it, including my mother and mother-in-law. The students I had taught were all for it, though. In starting up classes, I didn't take a penny from my husband; I used my personal savings of NT$100,000 or NT$200,000 as capital. From finding a place to taking out ads, I did it all myself. And even after all the trials I've been through, I'm very pleased with my decision.

I think you should be able to do everything yourself and not rely on someone else (of course, it's nice if you can). I've got a strong "sense of calamity." I'm constantly prepared that my husband might want a divorce some day, or that the children will take off when they have grown, and I remind myself all the time that I have to be independent.

But in running a business the past few years, I really have to thank my mother-in-law and my husband. Both the kids stay with my mother-in-law and only come home on weekends, because my husband is very busy, too. I feel guilty toward my family about leaving home early every day and coming home late and never bringing in any money, so I try to do all the housework myself and I make sure to stay home with the family on the weekend. Sometimes my husband complains that my mind isn't on the family, and I know I'm in the wrong. At any rate, when he gets loud, I just get quiet!

I think I've been influenced a lot by my family since I was a child. I've got six brothers and sisters. My father is a traditional macho male, who always treated my mother like a servant, and my brothers learned to act the same way. I often feel sorry for my mother: Why did you torture yourself by having so many children? Haven't you heard that "another mouth to feed just means more trouble"? They used to say "have a child for your old age," but who wants to take care of their parents nowadays?

Many people say my thinking is "new wave," and I take a pretty philosophical view of things. Your own growth and happiness are the most important things. Don't spend too much time on your husband and children, and then complain when you're old that you sacrificed your whole life for nothing!

I'm getting along very well now, I have a lot of self-confidence and get a big sense of accomplishment, but I sometimes still feel it's a lot of trouble being a woman. For instance, I passed TOEFL recently, but I couldn't make up my mind to go overseas and study because I couldn't bear to leave the kids. So I'd rather not be a woman in my next life. And if I have to be a woman, I'd rather not marry and have a family.

[Picture Caption]

Esther Huang's love of color and sensitivity to it were fostered by her brother, sixteen years older than she, who used to show her beautiful pictures when she was a child.

Sharon Liu, both mother and father to her children, is strict with them. They are good at their studies and well-behaved, and can also play the piano.

Gloria Wu is very "philosophical" about marriage and having children. She thinks the most important thing for women is to be independent and able to make up their minds on their own. (photo by Diago Chiu)

Sharon Liu, both mother and father to her children, is strict with them. They are good at their studies and well-behaved, and can also play the piano.

Gloria Wu is very "philosophical" about marriage and having children. She thinks the most important thing for women is to be independent and able to make up their minds on their own. （photo by Diago Chiu）