The age-old axiom that men and women are meant to be married has met with an unprecedentedly severe test in the Taiwan of the 1990s.

According to statistics recently announced by the Population Administration in the Ministry of the Interior, there are 4.3 million single people in Taiwan, about one third of the total adult population. The 199O "Report on Fertility and Employment of Married Women, Taiwan Area" by the Directorate-General of Budget, Accounting and Statistics found that 77percent of women aged 20 to 24 were unmarried, one out of three between25 and 29, and one in ten between 30 and 34. Compared with the results of a survey conducted 12 years ago, the unmarried rate has gone up 17,14and 6 percent for each category, respectively.

"Every time I hear the marriage rate has gone up, I comfort myself by saying there are a lot of people out there who want to get married and I've still got a lot of hope. If the unmarried rate goes up, I tell myself there are more and more singles and I'm at the forefront of the trend." beauty parlor owner Lin Chih-fen, who is nearing 30, says half in jest and half in resignation.

Marriage is a National Affair: In China, where the family and the ancestral clan are of prime importance and marriage is considered the root of social continuity, it is scarcely any wonder that the figure for the unmarried rate attracts as close attention as a winning lottery number.

Tsai Chuan-ming, who's had exhortations dinned into him as the family's eldest grandson by older relatives from all quarters ever since he turned 30, says with exasperation, "The singles ratio may be one in three, but if you throw in their friends and relatives, I'll bet 99 percent of the adult population is worried about when they or someone else is going to get married."

Is it strange or what? In the free and open society of today, why should it be so hard for men and women to pick a mate?

The old days of men and women "never touching the same thing at the same time" are long gone, and women's colleges are bidding farewell to their reputation as cloistered nunneries by accepting male students. The parents of 15- or 16-year-olds start worrying about the problem of their making friends with members of the opposite sex. TV programs with the sexes as a topic were all the rage a while back. The show "Hit It Off--50" that debuted a couple of years ago is mainly centered around matchmaking games for young people under 25--you can often see a mother or father straightening the clothes of their precious daughter off to one side. Some people take out personal ads in the newspaper to express their affection for a special person. . . . The wall between the sexes has been torn down, and there's more time and space for opening up virgin territory, so to speak. So why are more and more people singing the blues night after night?

Agency for the Disadvantaged? The R.O.C. Single Persons' Association, set up this September, recently announced that it hoped the government would establish a special agency to assist single people in finding a spouse. The association's founder and general secretary, Chen Hsien-chen, reasons persuasively: "Most single people aren't single because they want to be. If the social welfare system has the ways and means, it should try to help them--just like it provides medical insurance for sick people." Matchmaking, which people once thought would go the way of the buggy whip, has become a hot field instead. Now, not only are there marriage brokers to help guide Cupid's arrow for young people, there are also those who head off to the mainland to find spouses for older people in their "second spring" and those who are developing the marriage market among Chinese at home and abroad.

Sociologists liken marriage to a market exchange, "a transaction of a certain scope performed by certain individuals." Although putting it that way may lower the sacred mystique of holy matrimony, it does make it easier to carry out social observation. In the "deregulated" and "internationalized" marriage market of Taiwan, why has the trading volume (marriage rate) been declining each year? Is the ratio of supply and demand out of whack? Or is there a dearth of ready takers? Or maybe the market index is too high, and there's black market trading going on the outside?

Matching Boys and Girls: "The proportion of marriageable men and women in Taiwan is even. The ratio between the sexes is absolutely not the cause of the rise in the unmarried rate," says Chai Sung-lin, president of the China Statistics Institute, an agency that caused panic among single women 15 years ago with a report that proclaimed "there are more women of marriageable age than men in Taiwan and the ratio is as high as 195 to 100."

Chai points out that the main reason the numbers of marriageable men and women were out of balance back in 1976 was a combination of the baby boom and traditional concepts of when to marry. The number of babies born each year steadily increased from about 180,000 before the end of the Second World War to around 400,000 after 1951. Even though the numbers of boys and girls were practically equal, the Chinese tradition that husbands should be older than their wives meant that women born after 1950 had a hard time finding husbands of a suitable age. But now that the baby boomers have gradually gone through the age of tying the knot and younger men and women aren't so fussy about maintaining an age difference, the populations of marriageable-age men and women have drawn close together.

Looking at the statistics for last year, the numbers of males and females in each age group, whether for under 15 or each five-year category above, are about the same. Since the average age for getting married is 26.5 for women and 29.8 for men, so there are twice as many men as women in the 25 to 29 singles population. But if you compare the number of unmarried women if the age group with the number of unmarried men in the next highest age group, there are slightly more unmarried women than men.

Since the criminal evidence on the number-one suspect in bumping off marriage prospects--the population structure--is insufficient, where does the crux of the problem lie?

Uneven Distribution: Some people think there's still plenty of room for discussion on whether present-day society really is all that conducive to furthering relations between the sexes.

"All it means is there are more chances of seeing a lot of people on the street you can nod and say hi to. But there's still a big distance between us, it seems," says Chao Ning, a professor of social education at National Taiwan Normal University, single and in his forties, who is also the host of a well-known talk show for women and has been called one of the most eligible bachelors in Taiwan. Chien Chun-an, an associate professor of social work at Tunghai University, also points out, "More lines running back and forth doesn't necessarily mean more intersection points."

Every weekend at the Industrial Technology Research Institute in Hsinchu you can see groups of three or four bachelors chatting together on the lawn. They refer to themselves facetiously as "being in kungfu training at a monastery," because the ratio of men to women at the institute is five to one and the researchers are so wrapped up in their work they practically live in their offices, even on weekends. As a result, even though each of them is a prize pick in terms of their education and professional background, as many as 60 percent of them are still single--"prime candidates for obsolescence" as members of the Automation Task Force of the Ministry of Economic Affairs used to call themselves because they were such workaholics.

A similar headache is shared by women teachers at schools and colleges of every level. The R.O.C. Singles Persons' Association rounded up single men from the Industrial Technology Research Institute, Academia Sinicaand other research agencies and held a get-acquainted activity for nearly a thousand of women teachers on Teachers' Day.

Under the pressure of competition in an increasingly industrial and commercial world, people throw themselves more and more into their work and have less and less time and energy to devote to their emotional lives. Also the division of labor has created an uneven distribution of the sexes. There are more service-related jobs in the city, for instance, so women outnumber men there, but in industrial areas there are more men than women, especially in heavy industries or high-tech areas, where women are a touch of red in a forest of green," says Peng Huai-chen also anassociate professor of social work at Tunghai University.

You can get an inkling of how much demand there is among men and women for channels to meet potential spouses from the number of matchmakers that have been going into business lately and the hefty profits to be made. The departments of social affairs in Tainan and Kaohsiung have even set up "public matchmaker stations," treating the fostering of marriages as a form of social work.

Poor at Expression: Even though they provide opportunities and expand people's narrow social circles, channels like these are still limited in their effectiveness to get people to the altar. "The process in methods like these is supposed to go from friendship first to marriage second, but people go in with the prime motivation of marriage, not friendship. Many men and women filter out who they'll see right from the start according to some ideal blueprint they have in mind, and they miss out on a lot of possibilities that way," the writer Ku Ling says, analyzing the problem. Throw in the fact that in today's world of marriages freely arranged and freely entered into, people aren't as willing as they once were to accept the say-so of a matchmaker, and the success rate of traditional methods like meetings with prospective marriage partners isn't what it used to be.

The traditional methods aren't working any more, but new methods haven't been set up yet to take their place--that's the main reason the marriage market is out of kilter these days. As Chien Chun-an puts it, "In today's society nearly everyone longs for a marriage based on love, but they don't know how to go about expressing it."

Men and women over 25 are still very conservative in how they think the sexes should interrelate. Most women tend to wait passively for Prince Charming to show up on their doorstep until they finally get tired of waiting, while men feel that being turned down is such a blow to their self esteem that they withdraw into their shells at the first setback.

Relativity Theory of the Sexes: The "relativity theory" traditionally held by the Chinese of "men above women" still rules the marriage marketplace. Men want a wife who is shorter than they, less well-educated, younger and somewhat lower in income, while women want a man who is one step above them in everything. In today's society, when there are equal educational opportunities for both sexes and women have their own niche in the job market, this "marriage terracing effect," as the sociologists call it, has swollen the ranks of those still hesitating to take the plunge.

In terms of education, for instance, according to UNESCO statistics for 199O, the proportion of women to men in higher education in the R.O.C. was 46 percent, higher than Singapore's 42 percent and Japan's 38. Withthe proportion of women in higher education equivalent to that of men, how much chance do they still have of marrying someone whose level of education is higher than theirs? The financial independence they have won through their education and their careers has enabled women to be more picky in who they choose, regardless of the passing years.

Ku Ling often warns his friend and fellow writer Chang Man-chuan not to stick to the traditional concept of looking for a husband who is one step above her: "There's either nobody like that at all, or else they're already married." Chang Man-chuan is 170cm tall, a Ph.D., a best-selling author with a substantial income and now in her thirties. If she tried to find a man one step above her in every category, she would really wear out her boot heels looking.

Okay for Others But Not Themselves: Curiously enough, even as the objective circumstances of women are changing, many modern day women who insist on the equality of the sexes, do everything else on an equal footing with men and hold their own with them in terms of what they say and do are still hung up on "finding a husband who's better than they are." And many well-educated men who show complete respect for women otherwise still insist on being the ones who wear the pants in the family.

"Liberated thinking but conservative behavior--that's what they have in common," a sociologist at National Taiwan University says. "The higher their level of education, the more clear the tendency." They often speak with complete conviction in scorning material considerations in choosing a mate and are perfectly willing to accept or even praise someone else who defies social conventions in doing so. But when it comes down to themselves, all kinds of misgivings and concerns crop up: "What will other people think?" and "Marriage is a concern for both families--you have to consider the parents." Even though they don't consider themselves fuddy-duddies, the answer in the end is no.

"There's always a period of time between people accepting a new idea and actually being able to practice it themselves. And marriage is the most important event most people's lives, so getting from acceptance to a change in behavior is even harder," says Huang Chun-chieh, a sociology professor at Fu Jen Catholic University. The editor in chief of a magazine that touts itself as being aimed at the "new woman" relates her own experience: She always used to think that as long as two people loved each other, it didn't matter how simple or grand the marriage ceremony was. But as her own wedding date neared, she felt more and more torn at heart. Other people wear diamond rings and fancy gowns when they get married --why not me? It's the only chance I'll ever have! "At that point, my traditional side overcame me," she says. In the end she wound up decked out in diamonds and lace like everybody else before happily stepping up to the altar.

Using the Same Old Yardstick: If you flip through the forms that people fill out at the marriage and friendship services, you'll find that the men usually specify the woman must be young, attractive, pretty, gentle and well-bred or even have long wavy hair. The women want a man who is financially secure and well educated, preferably with his own house or apartment. The top picks are all professionals like professors, physicians, attorneys, engineers and accountants. No matter their sex, profession or level of education, most of them still attach a great deal more weight to external criteria than to internal qualities, as convention always has.

At one agency there was a man 165cm tall who specified he wanted a woman 160cm in height, and when the one he went to see turned out to be only 158cm, he shook his head in disappointment and left. There was also a lady with a master's degree who had several matchmakers who wanted to send her prospects, but she wouldn't meet any of them that only had a bachelor's degree. Some longtime members have met with over 200 candidates and are still looking.

"This is the first time in the past three millennia that Chinese people can choose a spouse based on true love. The fact that external criteria like a college degree, money and looks are still weighed in the balance is really awful," Ku Ling sighs.

Extra-Legal Marriage: But most sociologists also feel that, viewed from another angle, the constant increase in the singles rate may not be as negative as it seems on the surface.

In the past, getting married for Chinese people was a family affair whose purpose lay in extending the life of the clan. Even if a marriage had no emotional foundation, it was held together by the ties of home and family.

This phenomenon can be glimpsed from a marriage survey of 2,000 farming households conducted by the Council of Agriculture in 1987. Among those surveyed, only 5.4 percent were satisfied with their married life, but the majority expressed a high degree of satisfaction with their families, and only two couples had divorced.

Compared with modern-day marriages, this seems as fantastic as a tale from the Arabian Nights. The marital relationship is the most intimate kind of interpersonal relationship there is today, and sexual gratification has become a major part of it. Ku Ling thinks that if single people rush off and get married simply because of an empty apartment and pressure from parents and relatives, then "the rise in the unmarried rate isn't necessarily a bad thing," because at least it shows that people today are deciding for themselves about marriage and are taking it more seriously.

What's more, there are always exceptions where numbers are concerned. "The so-called singles rate is based on marriage being a necessary precondition for men and women to be together. But some unmarried people definitely aren't unattached, so a statistic like this one doesn't take in the whole picture," says Huang Ming-chien, a consultant at the China Productivity Center and a writer himself.

Cohabitation, sexual partners who live separately, extramarital affairs, promiscuity--no matter how close the relationship may be to marriage in reality, none of them is counted in the statistics. Huang Ming-chien likens it to market supply and demand: If sales of Coca Cola drop, it doesn't mean that fewer people are drinking beverages. It could be that some people have switched to lemon tea or sports drinks. "There's no way of obtaining concrete figures on how big that group is as long as it's still frowned on by society, but from all the discussion in the media, the appeals to counseling agencies, the plots of TV shows and novels and what you see and hear around you, you can imagine how widespread it must be."

Marriage Would Be Better: Nonetheless, being happily married is still the desire of the vast majority of us. According to a survey done three years ago by Shao Li-fang, a lecturer at Shih Chien College, less than a third of unmarried people considered themselves "elite singles," as a popular Chinese expression goes. Although most of them said they were content with their lot, half admitted they were lonely and missed having someone to take care of them. Only 8.5 percent said they were confirmed bachelors or spinsters. The rest said they still were waiting for the right person, and more than 70 percent believed married life would be an improvement.

The writer Chu Yi recently spoke for all single urban women in an essay of hers: "Being single may be just another way of life for a man, but for a woman it's a wait, an anxious wait for it to end, to see her lovely features captured in a wedding photograph before they fade."

Even "happy bachelor" Chao Ning frankly confides, "I'd be happier with a family of my own."

Aiming Too High: So why has he put things off for so long? It's just like the comic rhyme on a cartoon he drew when he was younger that starts out, "A bachelor in his twenties has girls at his call/with faces like angels, all well-stacked and tall . . ." and ends up, "A bachelor in his forties is practically through/begging desperately around, any female will do." He never expected he was depicting his own fate: Chao Ning is nearly 50 and still on his own.

Even though his fortunes have been like the poem, his feelings are different. When he was younger, he thought he would compromise as he grew older. After he turned 4O he swore to himself each year that if it didn't happen this year he wouldn't be so choosy the next. It was only later he found out that "the older you are, the more set you become in your ways and the harder it is to make concessions to suit someone else. If you keep on like that, you may as well forget it." Chao Ning's normally sunny expression is clouded with somberness.

A Mr. Li, who is 35 and still single, feels very much the same. He says he's "lost value" in the marriage market because of his age, but his sights are set that much higher. According to statistics, there are now 800,0000 single men and women over the age of 30 in Taiwan, a number that has been increasing by 10,000 a year for several years in a row. Kang Tso-hua, head of the R.O.C. Marriage Promotion Association, says that most of the older people who go to the association in search of a mate are quite eligible themselves, but they unconsciously set impossibly high standards, having wasted their younger years in just the same way.

Women Act First: The first to clean up their act and get real are usually the women.

"The greatest pressure adult women face is the marriage problem. Men have pressure from their work as well, which is often heavier," Chai Sung-lin says. Ku Ling puts it even more baldly: "Men have to establish their careers first, because if they don't have any bargaining chips in hand, they'll be knocked out of the game. The problem is, once they've got the chips, dates and sex are easy to come by these days, so why should they be in any rush to take on the shackles of marriage?"

With men in no hurry, women, who face greater social constraints and pressures, have had to be the first to break the stalemate. Except for agencies with the slogan "marry a bride from the mainland," the clientele of most other marriage brokers is predominantly female. Hung Chia-li, a matchmaker at the I Hsuan Agency, says that some women deliberately "downgrade" themselves on their personal information cards, changing a master's degree to a bachelor's degree or a bureau chief position to a section head, because they're afraid of scaring men off. Statistics show that more than half of all women with a college education or higher have married husbands less well educated than they are.

Tapering Off: But that's just a finger in the dyke. Even though some women are actively working at finding a mate, the marriage rate is still falling under the pressures of social change.

The Age of the Unmarried is being discussed by some. Marriage is a manmade institution--who knows whether it may not completely collapse in a couple of hundred years?

In the socially liberal countries of Western Europe, men and women who share their lives together don't necessarily take out a marriage certificate, Chai Sung-lin points out. In Ireland, for instance, women don't marry until the age 32 on average, and one fourth of the adult population is single. And in Sweden, where the welfare system is so generous people don't need children to take care of them in their old age, more people live together as unmarried couples than as husband and wife.

"The unmarried rate in Taiwan will continue to rise for the rest of the century," Chai Sung-lin says in hair-raising language. But he adds that the sexes will find better ways to relate in the future, and that once a new value concept for marriage has been set up, the tendency of the unmarried rate to grow, which has been evident ever since surveys were started after World World Two, should taper off. "That may all take another generation to happen," he estimates.

Huang Chun-chieh believes that the unmarried rate will stabilize some day, too. Even in the United States, he says, the marriage rate has been gradually climbing since 1975.

It seems we'll have to rely on more men and women marching arm in arm down the aisle to get past this awkward age of marriage imbalance.

[Picture Caption]

(Design by Lee Su-ling)

How many bargaining chips do you have for the marriage scale, and what are your preferences?

In today's world, the walls between the sexes have come down, but it doesn't seem any easier for men and women to make friends. (Sinorama file photo)

"What do you think about him?" It's not matchmaking. It's an advertising agency choosing a model Quite a few modern-day women throw themselves into their work at the expense of their emotional lives. (Sinorama file photo)

Is the person on the other end of the line Miss Right? The Chinese version of "The Dating Game" has been on the air for nine years now and is as popular as ever.

"Men and women are meant to be married," but the red double character for happiness is getting harder to stitch in today's society. (design by Amy Chang)

Couples dallying along the Tamsui at sunset. Finding a spouse and tying the knot is still the dream of most single men and women.

All About Singles[Picture]

What's the Difference in a Decade?[Picture]

For Whom Are the Bells Tolling? Comparative Ages of Men and Women Members of Matchmaking Clubs Source: R.O.C. Association of Matchmakers, statistics for most recent 10,000 members.[Picture]

How many bargaining chips do you have for the marriage scale, and what are your preferences?

In today's world, the walls between the sexes have come down, but it doesn't seem any easier for men and women to make friends. （Sinorama file photo）

All About Singles[Picture].

"What do you think about him?" It's not matchmaking. It's an advertising agency choosing a model Quite a few modern-day women throw themselves into their work at the expense of their emotional lives. （Sinorama file photo）

What's the Difference in a Decade?[Picture].

Is the person on the other end of the line Miss Right? The Chinese version of "The Dating Game" has been on the air for nine years now and is as popular as ever.

"Men and women are meant to be married," but the red double character for happiness is getting harder to stitch in today's society. （design by Amy Chang）

For Whom Are the Bells Tolling? Comparative Ages of Men and Women Members of Matchmaking Clubs Source: R.O.C. Association of Matchmakers, statistics for most recent 10,000 members.[Picture].