Wang Ya-ching:A Hip Mom with a Difference

"It was March in Taipei. The whole family was very nervous because mom was 42 when she got pregnant with me and everyone was worried that giving birth at that age wasn't safe. But mom said full of confidence: 'All my children are healthy and intelligent!' With my mother's assured words, I was finally able to come into this world safe and sound. Mom's self-confidence and courage gave me the most precious gift of all: life."

With these words, Lee Kai-fu began a newspaper article entitled "A Son is a Mother's Sweetest Worry," which was published earlier this year.

On a tour of Central Motion Picture Studio Wang Ya-ching, then aged 50, donned traditional wedding garb for this photo.

A mother's wisdom: no regrets

Self-confidence and courage were the most precious gifts Lee Kai-fu's mother gave him; it is also the first impression Wang Ya-ching makes on people. Lee's elder sister, well-known therapist Lee Kai-min, recounts that her mother left her home in northeast China when she was 12 to escape the invading Japanese army. Wang "raised herself on her own," became a student in exile, and graduated with top honors from Southeast Women's Physical Education College in Shanghai. Her determination and courage were forged by this experience.

Wang Ya-ching's mettle came to the fore when, still a newlywed, she told her husband, who took filial piety very seriously, that they would not be living under the same roof with his mother during the first two years of their marriage. Later, when she fled from Sichuan to Taiwan with her five children, her courage and astuteness grew with every step.

In 1949, the Communists gained control of mainland China and Wang's family was scattered across the two sides of the Taiwan Straits. Her husband Li Tien-ming, a member of the first Legislative Yuan whose politics was suspect under the new regime, followed the Nationalist government to Taiwan, leaving behind Wang and their five children-a 14-year-old boy and four girls, one of whom was not yet one. The children were in desperate need of food, clothing, and security, and Wang was repeatedly interrogated by the Red Army. On one occasion, Lee Kai-fu's eldest brother opened the front door of their house and was savagely beaten by a group of Red Army soldiers who were about to pay them an unannounced visit. That incident prompted Wang to reconsider their situation; she decided to escape from Communist China with her five children.

During those turbulent times, the journey from Sichuan to Taiwan was perilous, particularly for a single mother with five children. They had to travel thousands of miles to the coast of Guangdong Province and wait for an opportunity to secure a place on a secret passage to Hong Kong and from there to Taiwan. Lee Kai-jung, who was just seven at the time, remembers: "When we were fleeing the Communists, Mom hid some gold in a flashlight and sewed some into my younger sister's clothes. She told us not to make a sound as we crossed police checkpoints." The family wandered for almost five months from Chongqing to Wuhan, to Guangzhou, and to Hong Kong until at long last, in 1950, they made the crossing to Taipei.

"Perhaps because she's known enough joys and sorrows to fill many lifetimes, Mom's philosophy of life is to enjoy it while you're here, to meet challenges head on, and not to waste too much time and energy on feelings and regrets." Lee Kai-min says that her mother had breast cancer surgery when she was 64, and the day after the operation she was already putting on lipstick. When the surgeon saw this he told her, "If you put on makeup we won't be able tell how you're doing from your complexion." She snapped back, "I'm doing just fine, thank you!"

By her bedside, Wang Ya-ching keeps a card Lee Kai-fu gave her for her 60th birthday. Lee painted the card and wrote a poem on it.

A strict disciplinarian

There is an Indian saying: "When your children are young, help them to put down roots; when they have grown, give them wings." Wang is a perfect example of this, because although in modern society mothers are forever shadowing their children's every step and hovering over them, her philosophy was to let her seven children fend for themselves as soon as their were able to.

"Mom always paid special attention to everything that involved our education and our future. She always insisted that whatever the challenge, no matter how big or small, we should roll up our sleeves and do our best. There were no exceptions to this rule." The brothers and sisters all agree that their mother was very strict when it came to their studies. Lee Kai-fu, for example, was the youngest son and was always very talented, but on one occasion when he failed to study hard, his mother got so angry that she threw his textbook out the door.

"Whenever I slacked off, Mom was liable to smack me, but whenever I showed progress, she would encourage and reward me." Lee Kai-min says her mother was always strict but fair in meting out rewards and punishments, and recalls with undisguised emotion that when she passed the entrance examination for National Taiwan University, her mother gave her a piano.

Wang also prides herself on having once been a low-hurdles medalist in a national competition in China. She applied what she learned as a competitive athlete-the ability to be completely absorbed in the moment, to continuously outdo herself, to have the courage to turn in her best performance-to her children's education: she demanded that they endeavor to achieve perfection and she never tolerated weakness or excuses.

In addition to pushing her children to study hard and develop their potential, she always stressed the importance of following rules.

"Showing respect for one's elders, standing up whenever an older person walks into the room, not talking while eating, being home by ten, maintaining proper posture while standing and sitting-to this day, we still kowtow to Mother on Chinese New Year," says Lee Kai-jung, the second-oldest sister, with a smile. She recalls that Mom did not need to show anger to exercise her authority and often simply gave the children a silent look to get them to behave. In the Lee family, Mom was the strict one, while Dad would smooth things out if there was conflict with the children.

Wang never missed an opportunity to teach her children a valuable lesson. One example of her strictness remains forever etched in Lee Kai-jung's memory. One morning, the third daughter threw such a tantrum that she was going to be late for school. Wang therefore told Kai-jung to fetch her the cane. But Kai-jung couldn't bear the thought of her sister getting caned, so she didn't fetch it. Wang then told Kai-jung's younger sister: "Since your older sister won't obey me, you bring me the cane." In the end, Kai-jung was the one who was caned, while her younger sister made herself scarce. Wang felt that because Kai-jung had dared to disobey a direct order, her infraction was the greater. Sixty years on, this incident is still kept score of by the Lee sisters, which shows that their mother's position is as firm as ever and that she remains the main pillar of the family.

Be Your Personal Best is the title of Lee Kai-fu's bestselling book; it is also Wang Ya-ching's greatest hope for her children. The photo shows her with her third daughter Lee Kai-jung (right) and her sixth daughter Lee Kai-min.

A gentle and trusting mother

"My mother's dignity and authority are what make her the spiritual pillar of our family." Lee Kai-min says that her mother was strict because she always acted in her children's best interests. But when her eldest daughter got headaches from reading her schoolbooks, she would read to her and help her memorize her texts. When Kai-min couldn't find work after getting her social work degree, Wang, a true Leo, didn't let on how worried she was; instead, she quietly abstained from eating meat on the first and fifteenth of every lunar month and prayed her daughter would find work.

Wang has always been forward looking and convinced that there is a solution to every problem. When her youngest son Lee Kai-fu left Microsoft to join Google in 2005 and Microsoft sued him to prevent the move, she told him calmly on the phone, "Everything will turn out all right. Whatever you choose to do, I will always stand by you. You'll always be the greatest." Asked about her confidence in her son, Wang says, "I just had a feeling about it."

The Lee sisters once asked their mother: "Do you enjoy the prestige of having such a famous son?" She answered with a question: "Do you really think I'm that kind of mother?" What Wang really cares about is that her children do their very best and take responsibility for their own choices. Praise from others is not a big concern of hers

To this day, nothing gives Wang's children, who are scattered across Taiwan and overseas, more pleasure than to make Mom happy and to find toys from all over the world for her toy collection. Taking pride of place in Wang's living room is a fat God of Wealth doll which her eldest daughter brought back from a trip to the USA. Every time she walks past it, she pats the doll, which gives a sound that reflects her child-like innocence and shows how much she appreciates her children's devotion.

"We've never seen Mom cry," agree all of Wang's children. Wang jests, "They have now, because I'm laughing so hard my eyes are filling with tears!" This almost 90-year-old lady puts today's "hip moms" to shame!