Yang Ming-hsien burst out, "I am home!" when she arrived. But this was her first visit to Taipei! Yang, a novelist and essayist, left her native Peiping in 1975 at the age of 37, for Hong Kong with her husband and two young children, and has been living and writing there since.

Yang came to Taipei at the end of September for a four-week visit. During the whole time, wherever she went, whatever she did, she compared Taiwan with mainland China, consciously and subconsciously.

Most of Yang's works are based on memories of the scenes and characters of her Peiping neighborhood. Her first novel, Aunti Yao, is a vivid description of the mixed-residence style of living in Peiping under Communism. The novel, which is both funny and heart-breaking, won raving reviews and literature awards in 1978 in both Taiwan and Hong Kong.

Yang has many Mainland friends and relatives whom she loves dearly and whom she remembers constantly. So, she was very crestfallen on leaving Peiping. She describes her departure as being drowned in the tears of "my mother, my relatives and myself." Nevertheless, she was determined both to leave and never to come back. The system had disillusioned her totally and completely. Her decision was made a long time before.

Yang was only 11 years old when the Communists took over the mainland. Like many others of that time, she was filled with illusions about Communism. When her uncle was executed for being a rightist and landlord she blamed no one, and accepted the line that personal sacrifice was well-justified for the "construction of the motherland." But more was called for.

A feeling of disappointment, then disillusionment slowly crept in. Yang, an avid reader and student, was denied an opportunity to study in Russia, then the Mecca for Mainland academics, because her class heritage was impure. This forced her to realize that there was a "class" system in this supposedly classless society.

One summer she returned home from Honan University, where she studied Chinese literature, and her grandmother gave her a ring. She loved it so much that she wore it the whole summer vacation, and forgot to take it off when she returned to school. Her schoolmates were enraged. They criticized her for being capitalistic and pleasure-seeking.

Yang said, at times like that, there was nothing else to do but to confess "I was wrong; that I was influenced by my family from childhood to be capitalistic; that I did not work hard enough to reform myself. I promised to work hard to correct my past mistakes." Totally disillusioned, she became passive, avoiding participation in any kind of activity. She was branded "reactionary." Now many old friends do not believe the "dumb, inactive" Yang Ming-hsien of that time could be the novelist Yang Ming-hsien of today.

In 1960, one year before she graduated from college, Yang married. She got married early so she and her husband, who was an overseas Chinese from Vietnam, could leave the country together for France to study.

It was not to be. They applied numerous times, but were rejected every time. He was finally given a single exit permit in 1973. He stayed in Hong Kong; Yang Ming-hsien and her two children were finally allowed to join him two years later.

It was a 15-year struggle to freedom. Looking back, she sees much of her life on the Mainland as being like a piece of blank paper. She was determined that her children should never suffer what she had.

The first days in Hong Kong were not happy and rosy. She was lonely, insecure, and immersed in a feeling of homelessness. Earning a living was no easy task. After a year of some hardship, she finally settled down as a teacher of Chinese in a high school.

Relating her motivation to begin writing, Yang said she was inspired by Chen Jo-shi's "The Execution of Mayor Yin." Yang said, "When I knew someone attacked by the Communist party in the past I used to think that person must be at fault. But I was wrong. Those people I knew in Peiping were just simple, ordinary citizens. They were gentle and polite. They were no more rebellious 'bad elements' in any society than you and I would be. Seeing these people being 'struggled down' and executed during the Cultural Revolution tore my heart to pieces. Nothing they did deserved the afflictions of Communism. During those years, I saw too many tears, heard too much crying, witnessed too much silent grief to just feel sorrowful. I needed to cry out." That drove her to her desk, and has made her a prolific writer since.

In Yang's novels, we meet the gentle Peipingese who expected the "brand new society" to liberate China from poverty and social injustice. Instead, they find themselves worse off than they had been 30 years before. They become bitter and sarcastic toward life. "Those people were nice and beautiful people," Yang said, "but the Communists stripped the beauty and niceties from them." Compared to them, the people here are "blessed" and society here is "prosperous," she adds. Yang is especially impressed with the construction on Kinmen Island. To her, Kinmen is not only impressive for soldiers and arms. It is a remarkably busy cultural and commercial center.

Yang was surprised by the high school teachers' high income level here, and, she envied the respect the teachers get from their students. "It is not like this at all on mainland China."

She compares the "lively, well groomed" young people she saw at National Taiwan University with the younger generation on the Mainland: "The young people there see that their parents own no more worldly goods than they themselves after 30 years of hard labor, and say to themselves, 'Why should I work hard, too?"

A popular phrase among the young is "Give me wealth, not politics," emphasizing their suspicion of the future under the Communists.

Yang described herself as a married daughter who, after 30 years, found her long lost parents' family. "This place now feels like home, I feel inspired," she said.

On the eve of her homecoming, she wrote this poem that has moved the hearts of many:

I open my eyes and cry out,

"Your long lost daughter is coming home."

A pair of eager eyes say warmly,

"We have finally waited out the 30 years.

Dry your eyes and come see, little daughter,

How neat and wealthy your old house has become."

At the end of Yang's stay, she became anxious to go back. "I want to start working immediately. I have been asked too many times here, 'Is it really that bad over there?' I want to reach the widest reader ship possible, and tell them what it is really like on the Mainland. It is easy for people in hell to envy heaven; but it is hard for people living in heaven to understand the agony of hell."

[Picture Caption]

1. Yang Ming-hsien and new friends on an outing to the countryside. 2. Yang relaxes in a friend's house in Taipei. 3. She attends a meeting of female writers.

1. The teacher pays respect to the most famous of her profession, Confucius, attending a traditional ceremony on his birthday. 2. Yang is surprised at the neatness of Taiwan hog farms. 3. Here she enjoys northern Chinese dumplings with new friends.

Yang relaxes in a friend's house in Taipei.

She attends a meeting of female writers.

The teacher pays respect to the most famous of her profession, Confucius, attending a traditional ceremony on his birthday.

Yang is surprised at the neatness of Taiwan hog farms.

Here she enjoys northern Chinese dumplings with new friends.