The first years are the hardest
Starting in the third year after his divorce, Mr. Fu set about picking himself back up by getting actively involved in single-parent-family support groups, taking part in counseling and sharing his experiences. "When you realize that your situation isn't as terrible as it could have been, you really do start feeling better," he says.
Since then, every Chinese New Year he's taken his kids to attend special banquets for single-parent families organized by groups like Tzu Chi and Dharma Drum Mountain. The upbeat atmosphere helps them shake off the feeling of being hemmed in by their sorrows, as well as offering a great way to make new friends. These last few years have helped the Fus break free of the specter of "New Year's depression."
Mr. Fu's experience is far from unique. Mr. Zhu, widowed 15 years ago, and Ms. Su, a twice-divorced mother of three, both agree that the first couple of years after losing their partners were the hardest. The problem was not only the feeling of emptiness they and their children had to face, but also the hypersensitivity and pitying looks of family and friends, which were a second assault on their already fragile emotions.
Mr. Zhu recalls that when his wife, a lupus sufferer, passed on, it was only a couple of months before Chinese New Year. As he and his two children prepared to head off to visit family in Hsinchu, his father was worried that he wouldn't be able to take care of the kids alone, and anxious about the days ahead.
"My friends and family were so concerned and it made me even sadder, but to stop them worrying, I put on a front, helping comfort them to show that the kids and I would be fine and that things weren't as bad as everyone thought," says Mr. Zhu. After a few years, though, the excessive sympathy dissolved, and the three were able to go back to ordinary New Year holidays.
Ms. Su, meanwhile, faced the additional problem of cultural factors. Having been divorced twice, her family considered her "married off," and so on Chinese New Year's Eve and Day, she couldn't go home because traditionally for a married daughter to do so is considered a bad omen. Instead, she had to spend the time with only her children.
"Those first few years were not easy, but time heals all wounds, and I eventually realized that a day spent smiling is as much a day as one spent crying, so why not just try and smile and have a fun New Year?" Ms. Su, who works as both a cleaner and an estate agent, still has the pleasure of having her children come home every Chinese New Year, even though they're all fully grown and studying away from home. "We may not have the most things, but we have a lot of love, and we always spend the Lunar New Year vacation chatting and having fun. Who says single-parent families can't have a good time during the holiday?"