This week we celebrate our union in marriage for fifteen years and the bonding of two cultures as one. It seems just yesterday that I met my husband Hsiao Shou-tao at my brother's wedding (little did I know that my brother had already asked Shou-tao to one day marry me). Well, fate brought us together on that wonderful summer day and one year later, Shou-tao and I were married not only in the United States but also in Taiwan. This was the beginning of our journey together, he from Taiwan and myself a native of New Jersey in the United States.
Looking back, I think of how naive we both were. Shou-tao or Benjamin as my husband is named in English, was just finishing up his PhD in polymer science and his English was very rusty at that. I had just graduated with my undergraduate degree and knew nothing about Taiwan except what I had seen in travel magazines, but we took the plunge and got married anyway. Forging ahead as newlyweds, our only saving grace ended up being our roots.
The wedding ceremony, here in the States, was what you would call a "traditional Western ceremony," complete with a small white church, limousine and long white wedding grown. Benjamin survived that part just fine but it was the reception I worried about, as that's when my Italian heritage truly blossomed. I should have known right then and there that Benjamin loved me, as my quiet and somewhat shy Chinese husband was now deluged with my cheek-kissing uncles, arm-flaring aunts, and a dance floor which my mother took over to dance to some real music, Italian music. Let's not forget the abundance of food, traditional to any Italian holiday. Despite all, Benjamin did survive and next it would be my turn in Taiwan.
Soon after our American wedding, Benjamin and I and my immediate family flew to Taipei for a traditional Chinese wedding. Benjamin and I dressed in traditional Chinese attire and proceeded to the wedding banquet, a gastronomic adventure that put my Italian heritage to shame. There were not only foods I had never seen before, but couldn't even pronounce by name. So intrigued by the food, I decided to try to taste every dish that passed my seat. Throughout the meal I noticed many people staring at me, but thought they were just being friendly. It wasn't until after the dessert, that I was told that the proper bride never eats at the banquet. Oh well, it was worth the embarrassment to be able to indulge in those gourmet treats.
After the wedding, we returned home to the United States. In the years to come we tackled every hurdle in marriage one step at a time, the most important starting with food of course.
For the first five years of marriage, Benjamin never hinted that he missed the native foods of Taiwan; he just bought me cookbooks. Every passing holiday started with a Chinese cookbook and ended with a story about his childhood and his favorite dishes to eat, until the day finally arrived when my cooking took on a true Asian flair. Boy, could I make the meanest bowl of beef noodle soup in the West. So now every Saturday night we eat beef noodle soup and every Sunday afternoon we eat spaghetti and meatballs as our tradition.
Once we tackled the dilemma of food, our next big priority was the family. The pressure was on from both sides of the globe, "Where were the grandchildren?" With a little time and hard work, Benjamin and I were blessed with twins, two healthy and overly active boys. Benjamin was not only a proud father, but also a proud Baba, as our sons would call him. Who could be luckier then my husband and I, to have two boys at once in a Chinese family? The luck didn't end there and kept on flowing with our third son and finally ending with our fourth son. After four sons and not one daughter, Benjamin soon would refer to me as his "golden goose".
Now that we had enough children to form our own basketball team, we had to seriously consider where we would settle down, and how we would raise our children. Since Benjamin grew up on the beautiful island of Taiwan, he felt that he would be like "a fish out of water" if he couldn't see the ocean. I lived my entire life on the east coast of the United States, and wanted to stay close to family and friends. So we mutually decided to move to Long Island, New York, only a stones throw from New York City but located in a sleepy little village along the coast. Here Benjamin could teach at the university and I could pursue my career in writing.
As the boys grew in leaps and bounds, we needed to next consider their education and religion. I grew up in a conservative, Catholic, Italian-American family that believed in a strong family, hard work, and the importance of education. Benjamin was raised as a Buddhist, still had a close bond to his family in Taiwan, and has a mean competitive edge from his academic training in Asia. We decided to bond the two philosophies and came up with "The Chopstick Theory": it's easy to break one chopstick standing alone but a true challenge to break many chopsticks in a bundle. Our boys follow this theory and work hard as a team. They help each other with their homework and are never found far away from one another. Academics take front seat in our family and we pride ourselves on being a family without television but filled with lots of books, music, and close time spent together. We decided to respect each other's religion, and have the boys grow up learning about both God and Buddha, hoping they would be more tolerant and understanding of the various religions as adults.
Well, we have successfully survived the first fifteen years of marriage, blending East and West and creating a culture and philosophy uniquely ours. I can't say it was easy, but it was definitely worth the work!
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Dressed in Chinese attire, I proceeded with Benjamin to our wedding banquet in Taipei 1987.
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We enjoyed a happy family moment with our four boys while vacationing in the US state of Virginia.