Does man control destiny, or destiny, man?
With such a life, naturally Tsai has been through many changes. He says that before he began taking drugs he had a hopeful outlook on life, and was always laying out plans for the future. For example, he had plans to write three new songs every year, and that hasn't changed in the 14 years since he joined the musical community.
After getting on to drugs, he became very disillusioned with people. He felt deeply what it was like to be betrayed by his friends. He says, "If there's a god in heaven, I want him to change into human form so I can have it out with him: Why is it that I treated people with sincerity, and this is what I got in return? And if he doesn't want to change into a man, I hope he will change me into a spirit so I can talk it over with him. In life, do people really control fate? Or does fate control them?" he wonders. Some of his new compositions pose the same sorts of questions.
"When you come your hands are empty/You are covered in blood/When you go back you've got not a thing/Just a little fake jewelry on your fingers.
"Most people are very insipid/Everybody knows very well that it's all a dream/But they let life wear them out.
"Fame and fortune/Everybody wants them/Others corrupt you/You corrupt others/People run over you no matter who you are.
"Sincere loyalty to others/Is like a way of torturing yourself/Others hurt you/You hurt others/There is no way out.
"One day will come/When the sun sets and all is black/Only then will you know how meaningless it all is."
Coming and going in tears
Tsai Chen-nan says that his post-drug-use mood is not one of disappointment, but of comprehension. Life is innately tragic, and there's more time spent suffering than being happy. No matter whether you are riding high or down on your luck, the result is always the same. "You will die and leave others crying," says Tsai. He adds that people are strange: "When you come into the world, it's you crying, not other people. And when you leave the world, they're crying rather than you. People cry coming and going. Why is life so sad? Because people have attachments!" he concludes. He says that he is trying to get these feelings across in his songs.
Before getting off drugs, he only wrote songs for others. He felt that he didn't have the right image to be an artist, and wasn't very eloquent. "You have to have certain abilities to be a performer," he states. He makes an analogy to politics: Before you decide to run for neighborhood chief, then you should already be sure you can handle going all the way through being a city counselor, provincial assemblyman, and national legislator. "Aim at the moon to shoot the eagle," and only then will you have a long political career; the same goes for music.
He is willing to come up front and sing these days because, after having experienced so much, he doesn't take things like fame, fortune, or success to heart. He wanted to change his own image, and the music industry itself has been changing, so there is now a lot more room for a rough-edged voice like his, which has given him the boldness to go out and do it.
Those who care about Tsai worry that the pop music world is like a factory that uses advertising and packaging to manufacture so-called stars. Under these circumstances, there is a premium placed on novelty. Tsai could very well end up like many other Taiwanese-dialect pop stars--chewed up and spit out by the market. Others wonder whether spending all day with figures from the "cultural community" will cause Tsai to lose his special grass-roots feeling.
Will success change Tsai Chen-nan
"Ask not what Tsai Chen-nan can do for pop music. Ask instead what the pop music world will change Tsai into," says a worried Lin Ku-fang. If Tsai's music stays on the level of releasing his personal angst, and cannot reflect on life in a more profound way, then he will end up like so many other pop stars--a flash in the pan.
Tsai, who has just finished a concert, says that he is not insensitive to the expectations others have. Although "I know that I'm most suited to do more stuff like the a cappella singing recorded for Cloud Gate," he also knows that he cannot completely ignore the pop music market.
In the future he plans to try all sorts of different things. For example, in the just-completed concert he sang "Nobody Knows" in a rock-and-roll mode. Some people found it too upbeat, and said that rock is not the right way to express emotion. But Tsai explains that he just wanted to try a different style to express "what is in my heart."
"What's the worst that can happen if people can't accept me? I'll stop being a singer and go back to what I was doing before," he says. After so many vicissitudes, he really does think like someone devoting his life to religion: "There's really nothing in this world worth worrying too much about."
"Artists who come up from among the people, like Tsai, really can't be limited; they are 'free spirits.' When I meet someone like that, I wonder whether I should even consider myself an artist," says Lin Huai-min, founder of the Cloud Gate troupe.
Is it the case that "fearless free spirits" get more confident and stronger over time? What kind of creative material will come into Tsai's life as he does his prison term?
[Picture Caption]
p.88
A poster from A Borrowed Life. (photo by Tsai Cheng-tai, courtesy of Chang Shu Audio Visual Productions)
p.90
1 Lighting a cigarette is relaxing and focuses one's attention.
2 In 1982 Tsai opened a record company in Taichung to release cassettes, and the song "Nobody Knows What is in My Heart" made him well-known.(photo courtesy of Hu Tai-li)
3 Tsai, in his twenties, takes his child for a ride in the country. (photo courtesy of Hu Tai-li)
p.92
1 To send Tsai off, director Hou Hsiao-hsien joined him in a song.
2 Wu Nien-chen, the director of A Borrowed Life, knows Tsai inside and out. He is also responsible for giving Tsai his life back. (photo by Tsai Cheng-tai, courtesy of Chang Shu Audio Visual Productions)
3 A photo from A Borrowed Life. (photo by Tsai Cheng-tai, courtesy of Chang Shu Audio Visual Productions)
p.94
1 Ah Nan is at his most moving when he sings a cappella.
2 A photo from Heartbreak Island. (courtesy of Hsu Hsiao-ming Films, Ltd.)
3 The Sun of Life is Tsai's first album of his own as a singer. (photo courtesy of UFO Records)
4 Tsai has made an anti-drug spot and also is doing promotions for his album, so he has been in the media spotlight. Still, it's hard to say if this is good or bad for an artist whose ties have always been to the common man.
p.96
Life is innately tragic.
There's more time spent suffering than being happy.
No matter whether you are riding high or down on your luck, the result is always the same.
You will die and leave others crying.
When you come into the world, it's you crying, not other people.
And when you leave the world, they're crying rather than you.
People cry coming and going.
Why is life so sad?
Because people have attachments!