While more and more people are stressing the importance of compassionate education for children, are growing more rebellious. It might appear that there is something to the old adage: "spare the rod and spoil the child" (and the Chinese version of it: "the rod produces a filial son").

"My eldest brother was beaten more than any of us when he was little, but now he is the most devoted," notes a senior newspaper reporter, who is one of three siblings. When they were young, their father hit her older brother or forced him to kneel in punishment on a daily basis. Even when she or her younger brother did something wrong, their parents still punished her older brother for not teaching his younger siblings to behave correctly. Now that all three of them are over 40, however, her older brother is still very attentive to his parents and never acts against their will. The younger siblings are not as considerate. It's a common situation for people born during the 1950s and 1960s.

Beaten to be filial

"Indeed there is some evidence that kids who get punished physically end up more successful," notes Li Tsui-shan, an assistant professor of psychology at Fu-jen Catholic University. So long as corporal punishment is inflicted for good cause and not merely to vent parents' anger, Li believes that the parent-child relationship won't be damaged. When these children grow up, they will be able to redefine their relationship with their parents and understand why their parents were teaching them in that way. Many will be well adjusted and feel grateful to their parents, respecting and supporting them with all their hearts.

Yet Li also warns that it is hard to know how much punishment is enough and that excessive punishment can be hard to bear. "Behavior related to corporal punishment is extremely complicated, and there are some frequently beaten children who turn out as life-long failures or parent haters," says Li. He notes that hitting and scolding have a lot of side effects, which is why child-education experts typically frown on them as means for disciplining a child. One should not look at a single successful example of "the rod producing a dutiful son" and think that the method is infallible.

There are so many factors in childhood that can affect how someone turns out that it's hard to know what to do. But there is at least one hard-and-fast rule to prevent a child from growing up unfilial: adults must set good examples themselves. There's a famous Chinese story of a man who serves his elderly parents rice in chipped bowls, and his own child asks him not to throw away the bowls because he wants to keep them for when his parents get old. It shocked the father into changing his attitude toward his own parents.

Do you love your kids?

Apart from being a devoted child yourself, says Yeh Kuang-hui, an assistant research fellow at Academia Sinica and himself a father of two, adults should look at how they treat their children.

"Throughout my entire childhood," he says, "my parents would exhort and guide me with kindness and patience." Yeh points out that when a child grows up with tender-loving care, a good parent-child relationship is established from the very start. "With this kind of upbringing, when you make major decisions as an adult-whether deciding to study abroad or to get married, or making any other major plans for your life, you naturally include your parents in the picture and don't let yourself fall into filial dilemmas." Yeh Kuang-hui, who was born in the 1950s, believes that wishing to repay one's parents is definitely one of the reasons that many of his generation who have gone abroad to study are willing to come home to work despite excellent job opportunities overseas.

What's more, although modern people may be having fewer children, most of the major incidents of unfilial behavior reported in the media are connected with parents not treating their children equally. "In my family, all nine siblings think that we're mommy's favorite," says Kuo Tung-yao, CEO of the Hungtao Seniors Foundation. "That's a result of our parents treating us fairly. They are not partial to anyone, whether boys or girls, whether the oldest or the youngest child. Love has to be fair, because children care a lot about who their parents favor."

Win-win for all

"As you sow, so shall you reap," runs the adage. Yeh Kuang-hui reckons that children's attitudes toward their parents are naturally tied to how they were treated by their parents when they were young. Especially in these modern times, when people are regarded as equals and each individual is respected, parents must attempt to grasp the complexities of the parent-child relationship. It is a shame that modern people are so busy that they are often more willing to spend money than time and affection on their kids. But love between parents and children is by its very nature time-consuming. It requires long-term involvement.

In fact, instead of worrying about how to raise a "devoted child," modern parents should be pondering how to treat a child with kindness so as to encourage positive growth and avoid giving a child negative influences that will cause social problems in the future.

Precisely because modern society recognizes the importance of the individual's independence, Kuo Tung-yao, who gives out a Filial Piety Award for "three generations under one roof" every year, explains that his group has adjusted its conception of what is filial to suit the times. In the past, society revered those who sacrificed most to accommodate their parents. Even grade school students who were forced to drop out of school because their family was poor and their parents were unable to work could win the "devoted child" category. In Kuo's eyes, this kind of person needs society's help, not awards for modern filial piety.

"Children who can't make a career so that they have nothing to offer but sacrifice or who try to follow the traditional 24 Examples of Filial Piety are not the modern models for filial piety. Kuo holds that modern awards should look for people with successful careers who also take good care of their parents. The ideal should be for both the children and the parents to win in life.

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Free of the obligations of raising a family, old people can find more room for variety in life.