Ah Qiang is a 38-year-old advertising designer who adopted a Labrador retriever several years ago. Single and living alone, his life was turned upside down by the energetic and playful pooch. In the mornings he would have to clean up any “mess” from the previous night and take the dog for a walk. The dog was very affectionate, and on days when Ah ­Qiang didn’t have to go out to meet a client he would, as often as possible, bring the dog to his studio. Tired at the end of his working day, he nevertheless would have to set aside time to play with and train the dog.

Yet it all was worth it. “When I would stay up all night drawing up designs, he would just sit quietly at my feet, occasionally raising his head to look at me, or resting his head on my knee. Seeing that look in his eyes, one of total trust and dependence, I realized that he more than repaid my efforts by being my companion with his whole body and soul.”

One time when he had to go away on business, Ah Qiang left the dog in a “pet hotel.” He was unaware that the dog had a congenital medical condition, and the dog had an attack and passed away right there in the kennel.

Ah Qiang was at first calm and collected, merely inquiring as to what had happened and asking the pet hotel to handle arrangements for the corpse. But on the way home he burst into tears. “The only other time in my life when I felt that bad and cried that much was when my Dad died.”

Ah ­Qiang sought out friends to talk about it, but merely got inane responses: “You’ll feel better with time.” “Why not just get another dog?” After that, he stopped talking to people about his dog, and his life became, as it had been before, filled up with work and friends. But whenever he got home late at night and pushed open his door, he was still subconsciously expecting to see that gawping mouth and frantically wagging tail. “That was the loneliest time for me in my whole life.”

 

Guo Hui­juan, a writer for taiwanfuneral.com, says that the death of a pet usually occurs in one of three ways: The first is chronic illness or aging leading to a natural death. In these cases, owners are psychologically prepared and the pain they suffer is more moderated. The second is a decision by the owner to euthanize a pet suffering from an incurable illness. Though owners in this situation are constantly in a dilemma over the right time to put the animal down, as far as the pet is concerned, this is the only appropriate choice. The third way, the most painful, is sudden death, for example when the pet is struck by a car or eats something poisonous. Under these circumstances, the owner may blame him- or herself and become very depressed.

You Yi­hang, a graduate student at the Institute of Life and Death Education and Counseling at National Tai­pei University of Nursing and Health Sciences, feels that grief counseling is essential for helping modern people to learn how to deal with the death of a pet. Therefore, back in 2011 he got together with three friends and founded an “alternative” pet funeral company.

“What we do is listen, and just be there for the owner. We help the owner to express their emotions and tell the story of their relationship with their pet, and transform these into a memorial service that has a unique, individualized character.”

You recalls one especially heartrending case. A young woman was rasslin’ around with her boyfriend, all in good fun, when the guy accidentally stepped on her pet guinea pig. She rushed to the animal hospital, but was told there was nothing they could do. By the time she got to You’s offices, “We found her standing at the door, holding the guinea pig, her hands stained with blood, her eyes out of focus, and she was trembling violently. Yet she was not crying. We knew right away that she was in shock, that she needed a safe place and some time to recover and stabilize.”

While waiting for her to recuperate, the firm’s medical staff took the corpse from her and cleanly sutured up the wound. They then held a simple prayer service. After half an hour, the girl was able to speak. “It was only then that we really understood what she was going through. She felt a mixture of guilt, sorrow, anger toward her boyfriend, and profound pain, and she didn’t know how to express her feelings, or where to direct them.”

The company then arranged a counseling session for the owner, focusing on helping her release her emotions and creating a space for dialogue where she could receive an apology from her boyfriend and repair their relationship.

But what can pet owners do on their own, in the absence of professional help, in the immediate wake of the death of a pet?

You, who believes every living thing has a soul, feels that when an animal dies its soul, as it leaves the body, may still be able to sense how its owner feels. He advises owners to avoid hysteria and stay by their dead pet’s side for a while. He also thinks it is important for owners to personally handle the corpse and prepare it for final disposition. “Through loving caresses, the owner can confirm that the animal has passed away, and although this will undoubtedly bring sadness, it is very significant in terms of accepting reality, expressing attachment, and saying final goodbyes.”

Finally, he says, owners can—depending on their personal spiritual or religious beliefs—read something appropriate from the relevant scriptures, or play some appropriate music. “The purpose of ritual is to bring calm and acceptance, to recover positive energy, and to release oneself from the bonds of sorrow, fear, or guilt. This is also the best thing you can do for your pet, to send it off with your best wishes and prayers.”