"Truthfully speaking, I had no idea a month ago that I would be wearing a uniform, standing at the front of a squad of cub scouts and leading them in their activities."

At the end of last March, after finishing a year- long stint as a Cub Scout monitor, I breathed a sigh of relief before suddenly receiving a call from the company commander. He didn't beat around the bush: "I hope you'll be a squad leader next year."

In addition to seven or eight squad leaders who had at least ten years of experience with the scouts as children and adults, two mothers also served as squad leaders. They had gotten involved through their children and likewise had at least a decade of experience. But because those two were retiring, the company commander came to me, an "old lady" who had enthusiastically participated in Cub Scout activities and parent meetings. He wanted me to continue working with the scouts.

Because monitors only need to keep an eye on things for safety's sake, parents usually take turns on the job. Squad leaders, on the other hand, must join cub scout operations and participate in the planning and execution of all scout activities. They must regularly attend troop meetings, and what's more, there's no term of service--once you've agreed to do it, who is to know when you'll be able to get out of it. "I don't think I'm really cut out to be a squad leader," I told him. "Could you find someone else?" I was worried about all those meetings and being away from home so much with two young children. And I was also simply worried about whether I could do a good job. Hanging out with kids requires a lot of patience. True, even after having raised kids for ten years, my temper wasn't too frazzled, and I was well aware that with children you need a big heart and lots of time. Yet I had my doubts about whether my experiences as a mother qualified me to deal with 15 or 16 boys at once. "It's not that I don't want do it; it's just I don't think I'm qualified."

The company commander was completely unmoved by my high-sounding reasons of refusal. "There's no such thing as 'not being qualified' to serve as a squad leader," he said. "Anyone who likes children can do it." And since I couldn't honestly say I didn't like children, I couldn't resist any longer. As the Chinese expression goes, a boat naturally straightens itself out as it approaches a bridge. Having agreed to take the job, I tried to pump myself up. I told myself I would do a good job and resolved to put my all into it. Just then the Cub Scouts were putting on a seminar for squad leaders, and I signed up without hesitation. Putting my kids under their father's care and taking leave from work, I spent two whole days with 60 other squad-leaders-to-be. We started with the basics: the Cub Scout salute and handshake and the various troop formations. Many of the students were parents who seemed to regain their youth by playing, singing and hanging out around camp fires. They were simply "old" scouts.

It finally came to that day when I had to put on the uniform. It was the first time I had worn a uniform since graduating from university more than 20 years before. In Cub Scout khaki, I couldn't help thinking back to when I had seen uniformed scouts in Taiwan. Now I was in the same garb serving as a squad leader in Japan. It gave me a disorienting sense of skipping back and forth through time and space.

When the course ended, I felt very relaxed, and although I still hadn't quite gotten the knack of the gestures that dismissed my charges and brought them to attention, everything else had gone smoothly. It was a great boost to my confidence, and I came out feeling that I was cut out to be a squad leader after all!

My son was pleased that I took part in his scout activities, and he said that when I put on my uniform I took on the amiable demeanor of a squad leader and didn't at all look like an old lady who spends all her waking hours nagging.

"To come to think of it," he suggested, "why don't you be a squad leader every day?"

Perhaps taking on a new persona every so often isn't such a bad idea!

CAP:

In uniform, leading a squad of cub scouts, do I still look like an "old lady?"