A difficulty often encountered by Tai-wanese business people traveling to Europe is one of language. Arriving in Germany or France, one is at a loss as to how to get around. No matter how fluent one's English is, people are of no help.

I have lived in France for ten years. I worked at the Paris Hilton, where I was responsible for taking care of Asian guests. My husband is a Westerner. You could say I am very well-versed in the conflicts of culture that arise between East and West and so I am very happy to write down some of my observations on French culture and customs for Chinese readers.

Ladies first

French wives were networking for their husbands as early as the beginning of this century, which the French refer to as la belle epoque. Moreover, under the creeping influence of the women's rights movement, French women have trained themselves to be capable both in the home and out in the world.

In social situations in France, you immediately become aware of how adept French women are at socializing. No matter who they may be dealing with, French women step right up to say hello, chat and express their opinions.

When invited somewhere, it is not only the lady of the house who greets you, but also her ten-year-old daughter who steps forward to give "Auntie" and "Uncle" a peck on the cheek and say hello. My husband has a female colleague who one day ran into a Japanese colleague in a corridor. She immediately kissed him on both cheeks. The Japanese man, who had just arrived in France, was so startled that he jumped back several paces; he thought that she was trying to grope him.

Hello. Please. Thank you.

Everyone can say "hello," "please" and "thank you," but the appropriate use of these words with the French is no easy skill to master.

In general, when you want someone to do something for you, whether it be signing a contract or selling you some vegetables in the market, if you are the one doing the asking, you must first tell the person serving you "bonjour," or "good day!" Only after having done so can you ask for what you want. The French place great store on respect for the individual. If you forget to offer a "bonjour," you will be thought of as lacking in manners. One colleague once told me that when she was on duty for breakfast, if a customer just stood absently at the counter without first greeting her (waiting patiently to be served), she would pretend to be busy. And not only would she let this patron stand cooling his heels, she'd also comment on how rude he was.

And if you just open your mouth and start speaking English to a French person, you are going to be ignored, even if that person speaks English well. What should you do? First ask, "Excuse me, do you speak English?" Once you ask this question, you will be surprised to discover how well the French speak English. While I was working at the Hilton, many guests asked me, "How much do we tip the bellhop when he brings up our luggage?" You need to realize that France is one of the world's most developed cultures. If someone deigns to help you with something, you must offer profuse thanks. If you eat in a restaurant, you absolutely must not forget to leave a tip. And if someone holds a door for you while you are hurrying about your business, you can't just barrel on past, lost in thoughts of your own affairs, but must pause and offer some words of thanks. People don't help just for their own gratification, and forgetting this can easily brand you a malefactor, especially in France.

Kissing the cheeks

As everyone knows, French is one of the Romance languages, and so it is only natural that the French would share in the passionate nature of the Latin peoples. The most obvious example of this is the French custom of faire la bise, or the peck on the cheeks.

Pecking etiquette varies with locale. When Parisians meet, they kiss twice: once on the right cheek, then once on the left. In the south of France, people kiss three times: right, left, then right again. The most respectful greeting involves four kisses: right, left, right, left, with the participants being sure to clearly enunciate their "smacks."

But I should point out that in any situation where the participants do not have a personal relationship, whether a meeting of business people, government officials, or even just colleagues, a greeting and the standard Western handshake suffice. Knowing this helps foreigners to recognize the personal relationships that exist (or don't) between France's major public figures. Faire la bise is more than just a form of gallantry seen between men and women. If members of the same sex have a personal relationship, then faire la bise is de rigueur and should not be misunderstood as an indication of homosexuality.

Food and drink

The French will take any opportunity to celebrate with a drink or a meal. In the business world, negotiations are held in gourmet restaurants to make it easier for everyone to enjoy a glass of wine while they talk about business. When eating with the French, one discovers that they are eloquent speakers for whom one mouthful of wine provides sufficient fuel for upwards of ten minutes of discourse. But bear in mind that when the main course is served, a French host won't necessarily tell you to dig in while it's hot; in fact, he's just as likely to keep everyone from eating until he has finished making his point. Parisians like to show off, letting you know how great Paris is by serving you small portions of very fine food. In provincial France (and everything that is not Paris is provincial), however, not only is the food delicious, but plentiful. If you sit down to a meal and don't eat for at least three hours, you are not being properly respectful. One American business person says that in the US, when you talk business, you get a lot done in a day, but in France, all you do is eat from morning to night.

We need to talk

One French sales manager openly admits: "When you ask the French to do something, the response is always, 'There is a problem.'" What this means is that there is something to be discussed. This reminds one of what the imperial official Ban Chao once said: "The peoples beyond our gates are not necessarily either filial or virtuous [i.e they don't do things our way], but where the water is sterile there are no fish to be found [some things are worth wading through imperfections to get]."

The French go about their bargaining differently than, say, the mainland Chinese do. In the mainland, you have to master the art of "smokes and booze," offering cigarettes and giving gifts of alcohol. On the other hand, the French attitude towards work is one of talking much and doing little. If a Frenchman can find a way to do two fewer things in the course of a day, he will. When it's time for a coffee break, the break room is filled with people drinking coffee and chatting, including the man who just told you he can't help you because he has so much to do that he can't possibly finish it all.

Flattery will get you everywhere

The French have a great respect for things French and a strong sense of their superiority. Most have a sort of I-don't-care-how-mangy-my-son-may-be-he's-still-better-than-yours attitude. Simply put, to the French, everything French is magnificent by definition. And as great as Paris is, a Frenchman's hometown is even better.

This means that even when your mother-in-law fries up some canned green beans with a bit of garlic when you go all the way out into the country for a visit, you still must compliment the garlic. (In southern France, where the soil is too poor to grow much of anything, garlic is the word.) Don't even think about asking how someone could serve canned food to a guest who had come a long way for a visit. Similarly, you wouldn't be so foolish as to harp on all of Paris' flaws to a Parisian. After all, you catch more flies with honey, right?

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If you understand the customs and etiquette, making friends in Europe is easy. The picture shows a going-away party the writer's French colleagues threw for her.