The gender seesaw
Wang Ya-ko, an associate professor of sociology at National Chungshing University, has written an article entitled "Men's Studies: A New Field of Research." In it he says that in the 1990s "men's studies" began to arise as an academic discipline. This field, the counterpart of the women's movement and women's studies which began to flourish back in the 1980s, focuses on how men are learning to accept and adjust to greater gender equality. "This shows that after years of struggle, the feminist discourse has finally sparked a 'delayed reaction' from people who should have responded much earlier."
In addition, the emergence of this field of study indicates that feminism has really begun to shake the core of patriarchal ideology. A "strong sense of crisis" has pushed some men to respond.
Three years ago, the Awakening Foundation, the organization in Taiwan which most strongly extols feminism, began publishing a periodical called Stir publicizing and exploring gender issues. The initial issue focused on two themes, "neo-masculine ideology" and the "new man." It noted that the women's movement in Taiwan has always met resistance from the forces of male chauvinism. Over time, there arose "progressive men" who supported feminism. Nevertheless, the magazine argued, "they only supported it verbally, while in their day-to-day behavior they remained extremely traditional."
Practical adaptation to feminism only began later. In 1989, three male university students organized a the "Male Self-Consciousness Group" and began to produce a magazine Chizi (Innocent Infant). Around the same time, the publishing industry began to translate and publish large numbers of books related to the psychological growth of the "new man." These aimed to help men face up to the shocks brought by new relations between the sexes, to cope with anxieties brought about by ego deconstruction, and even to figure out how to build a new image that men could identity with.
Theories under the general rubric of the "new male" or otherwise representing a certain male point of view received a considerable amount of space and status in the mass media. Authors like Chao Ning and Hsiao Yeh fed the trend by writing books showing ordinary "little guys" in moments of weakness, feeling repentant, or experiencing personal growth through self-reflection.
In her essay "'Comrade Lover' or 'Sleeping with the Enemy'?" Sun Jui-sui points out that, regardless of whether it was because of booksellers or the media, "men began to reflect about themselves and to show their softer side. This definitely won sympathy from many women. As a result, some optimists argued that the appearance of the 'new man' would end the tragedy of women and create harmony between the sexes."
In recent years "new man" theories have found a foothold in daily life. They have contributed to a reassessment and redistribution of roles in the private sphere, such as family life. Currently a lot of the research in "men's studies" is focused on housework done by men. Wang Ya-ko argues that, based on the experience of many men (including himself), housework is an extremely important realm because one can directly transcend traditional gender divisions and understand the position of women. Men who support change with practical action have made the transition to being "new men."
Society's new "pets"
Whether the driving force has been practical problems or social advocacy, the value system surrounding the roles and characteristics of males in Taiwan is definitely changing. Images of stay-at-home hubbies, men cooking, or of guys caring for babies have filled the media these past few years. Celebrities such as Emil Chou who dare to exhibit their softer side or who are happily married have become new idols. Married men have been writing books celebrating the joys of married life, and these have become best-sellers. The celebrity couple Tsao Chi-tai and Hsia Ling-ling, and news presenters Li Tao and Li Yen-chiu, have written books describing the details of their married lives. Politicians, such as Taipei mayoral candidates Chen Shui-bian and Ma Ying-jeou, have seen playing the "new man card" as a way to win feminist votes.
On television match-making shows, women, whether they have been married or not, unfailingly hope to meet a "new man." Besides showing earning potential, responsibility, and trust, they say, the ideal male would also be emotionally honest, interested in life, understanding of others, open to continued personal growth, and always considerate of the woman's feelings.
As the number of new men has grown, they have begun to come in contact with and support one another. "This is an inevitable trend," says Wang Li-shen, a teacher at the Yangming Middle School in Taoyuan County, who is recognized in his neighborhood as a typical new man. His wife attends classes at the Taipei Teacher's College four nights a week, so he must take care of their two children. "When I was living on my own when I was in school, I could really cook, but I didn't let anybody else know. Today, to help my wife continue with her studies, I finally have the chance to take it up again," says Wang. "There are a lot of people in the same situation in my community, so I don't think there's anything special about me. Sometimes when I feel a little tired, I can ask some of the neighboring dads to lend a hand."
The model of the new man has in fact allowed many men to indulge interests or develop skills in areas that might not have been open to them in the past. Take for example Dennis Chang, a staffer in the legislative liaison office of the Industrial Development Bureau of the Ministry of Economic Affairs, who has a three-year-old daughter. His wife Selena Tsao, a television reporter, describes him as willing to accept the burden of most of the housework, and as being meticulous about it. She says that he even thinks to buy things like dish-washing liquid and soy sauce, so that Tsao, who often leaves the house early and comes back late or is out-of-town on assignment, never has anything to worry about at home.
"It's taking things a little too seriously to use the term 'new man,'" protests Chang. "In fact, for me, taking my daughter to the park to play on the swings, shopping, or going to the supermarket are entertaining, and I even see them as recreational activities. I don't have any great ambitions in my career. I just want to take good care of my child, and grow along with her-that's my greatest joy."
I'm so tired
Yet, however much one might like certain tasks, men don't always find it easy to be the cook or the baby-sitter. "Men have a hard time showing when they are feeling down," says Selena Tsao. "My husband rarely complains to me, but every night after ten or so, when the children are asleep, he goes into 'down time.' He sits there by himself on the sofa smoking and watching TV. I think he's recuperating, getting his feelings in order." She often feels guilty at times like these.
A recent pop song describes the pressures that new men are under.
"Lately it's been trouble, trouble, trouble. . . ." The song describes three men, one very young, one in his 30s, one in middle age, sitting around drinking in a bar, hanging their heads, depressed, and singing out their sorrows.
The young man complains that he is trying the best he can every day, but his girlfriend's mom thinks he's a slob with a lousy car and no money in the bank. . . . The guy in his 30s moans that it's getting harder and harder to make money, while his friends often-wittingly or unwittingly-mock him. At the office, his days are jam-packed with work, yet his wife blames him for coming home so late. The kids are not doing so well at school, his daughter is too fat, his son doesn't want to eat. . . . The middle-aged guy worries that he can't yet see the shore ahead, but behind him the sharks are gaining ground. He only has half as much hair as he used to. In a rare lucky moment, he dreams he is having dinner with a sex goddess, but he can't seem to find that little blue pill. . . .
"Men are exhausted!" proclaims Shane Wang , an associate professor in the Department of Social Work at Soochow University. At first glance it seems a mark of honor to be considered a "new man." But in fact it simply creates more expectations and responsibilities. It puts a guy in the same position as a career woman, burning the candle at both ends. "Before, a guy only had to be responsible for the breadwinning, but now he's responsible for the housework and raising the children too. These multiplying demands are running men into the ground; it's becoming too much to handle."
Wang Li-shen relates that he leaves the house every morning at 7, takes the children to school, then goes to work. After a day of teaching ending after 4, he picks up the kids, then buys food and makes dinner. He feeds the children, helps them with their homework, bathes them, puts them to bed, and tells them stories till they go to sleep. He's busy straight through until 10. "Often I'll be sitting on the bed telling my children a story, talking and talking, and I'm so exhausted I fall asleep before they do," he says. He has even "gone on strike" in protest over the burden, taking his children and moving back to his father's home.
Peng Kuo-neng, the attorney, who says "I don't have much time or space to myself," says it's worst when he has to work on briefs at home. Then he must wrest the time from his children or the housework. His less-than-one-year-old twins are especially challenging. When one starts crying the other joins in, and he and his wife each have to take one of them, so he does not even a chance to trade off. He jokes, "I don't even have time to take Viagra."
In fact, these are burdens that career women have had to accept for a long time. It's just that now more and more men are starting to feel the same pinch. The difference between the two sexes is that when women face pressure, they're better at communicating, sharing with others, and seeking help. Psychiatrist Wang Hao-wei suggests: "It's difficult for men to make the transition from the tough-guy posturing of the past. In particular, men don't really know how to express their emotions, but rather repress them. When they can no longer hold them in, they explode in a rage, go on a drinking binge, or even have an affair." When practicing in a hospital clinic, he discovered an increasing number of cases of this type, making him quite worried about the physical and psychological health of Taiwan's males.
Sugar coating to cheat women
Although some men are trying to change, and there has been progress toward gender equality, the overall situation remains far from ideal.
"Taiwan women are too easily deceived, and way too easily satisfied!" opines Sony Hu, administrative director of the Millennium Cultural and Educational Foundation. The new man discourse aims at a limited "reconstruction" of the behavior of males in traditionally private spheres. "If it just amounts to doing some housework and picking up the kids after school, and you think that is the standard for a new man and that you've achieved gender quality, then you'd be ignoring many fundamental problems related to power and status, communication and sharing, and intimate relations."
Take the example of Miss Lee. She received a note left by the receptionist in her office: "Your husband called. He said that he would pick up the kids and make dinner, so it wouldn't matter if you returned a little late from the office." When her coworkers saw the note, they were envious, and one even said she wanted to photocopy the note and stick the copy on the refrigerator for her husband to see. But as Miss Lee objects, "If picking up the children once a week makes him a 'new man,' what does it mean that I pick up the children four times the same week?"
"This indicates that the unequal division of labor between the sexes in Taiwan is really serious. It's as if women are supposed to see guys as being generous just for taking a small part of the load, and are supposed to be incredibly grateful for that," concludes Sony Hu.
A survey conducted by the Department of Social Work at Soochow University discovered that 95% of men agree with the proposition: "Housework is something that everyone in the family should share responsibility for." This represents a quite progressive view. But in terms of concrete action, the vast majority spend less than five hours per week doing housework. And what they do do is usually not routine stuff, such as cooking or cleaning, but something like repairing wiring. This suggests that in terms of both the nature and the amount of work done around house, men play only a supporting role.
The new mantra
Shane Wang began researching the home lives of married men in 1994; he also created the "Back to Authentic Self Counseling Center," a group to guide men to self-awareness and personal growth. He argues that the so-called "new man" in Taiwan is not the least bit "new." There has been no real qualitative transformation or reform.
Wang contends: "The great majority of Taiwan males in this changing society are only partly modern, but also partly traditional, when it comes to family life. On the one hand, adapting to what's happening out in the world, they hope to become better husbands. On the other hand, they still hang on to the tail of tradition, and want to act the way that their parents would expect of them as well-brought up sons." He suggests that the following scenario is very common: The "new man," in his own house, has a cooking pot in one hand and a diaper in the other. But upon visiting his parents' home, he falls back into the old posturing-"a hand out for tea, a mouth open for food"-sitting back waiting for his wife to serve him.
"Many guys explain this by saying it's to protect their wives, so that their mothers, who think their sons should be treated with respect by their wives, don't end up thinking they have a bad daughter-in-law," explains Shane Wang. In fact, he says, this is the product of the male tendency to play up to what other people want. "Men in Taiwan are used to dealing with pressure by playing up to people. When they are small, they obediently study, and choose the university department and career that their parents want. After growing up, they play the roles that their girlfriends and wives ask them to play. And all their lives, they live under the shadow of playing up to the expectations of society."
Naturally, Wang does not think men should not adapt to new realities. But he does worry that the present situation can create internal conflicts and loss of self in men. Wang explains: "For several thousand years, there has been continual change in politics, economics, society, and culture. What has changed the least has been the patriarchal system. Under this system, not only do women suffer from repression and exploitation, but men, who are assumed to have the advantage, also are damaged." Gender restrictions and expectations also prevent men from being able to express themselves or to bring their individuality into play. To conform to expectations, men exhaust themselves working, but lack the time or space to explore themselves, for example by asking: What do I really like? What do I want? What is unique about me? Am I really suitable for marriage? Am I happy with my marriage?
Men in trouble?
Bernard C.C. Li, a professor in the Department of Philosophy at Fu Jen Catholic University, who has worked side-by-side with Shane Wang in four sessions of male personal growth groups, summarizes the problems of self-identification that men face: defining "success," handling interpersonal relations (both with the opposite sex and the same sex), understanding what it means to be a "real man," and arranging leisure activities.
Li states that the most difficult of these is interpersonal relations. Men not only do not know how to share intimacy and talk about their innermost feelings with the opposite sex, such as their mothers, wives, or girlfriends, they even find it difficult to have in-depth discussions with male friends. Most of their male friends are colleagues or drinking buddies. When men face real difficulties, they cannot release their frustrations; still less do they understand how to build intimacy.
The definition of a "real man" is the most commonly discussed subject in the personal growth groups. Li argues: "Because traditional fathers were busy working, they were often absent from family life. Taiwan men have grown up without positive male role models. As a result, unless they have simply fit themselves into the traditional mold, they experience personal confusion, and cannot find their own personalities." In the long run, the inner life of men in this situation becomes stagnant, and they close themselves off.
These problems tend to manifest themselves in relations with the opposite sex. Li supports this view by pointing to the motivations for many of the participants in the growth groups. Most of them were frustrated in their relationships with women, or had difficulties adjusting to married life. Moreover, many came because they were asked to do so by their wives or girlfriends. "However, what they really need to deal with is their own selves-their emotions, their self-esteem, and the traumas that they experienced growing up."
Isolation and worry
Chuo Ming is one of the few people in Taiwan who has worked intensively with male psychotherapy groups. He develops the inner space of modern men by exploring sexual problems and healing trauma. "Because of gender restrictions, Taiwan's men have grown up without trust or a stable sense of intimacy. They have been weighed down with many responsibilities and super-ego expectations. Social expectations for men are a heavy burden, and leave men feeling isolated and alone. These feelings often manifest themselves in concerns about sex," explains Chuo. The serious level of sexual violence and crime in Taiwan also points to the same underlying problem.
"Under the traditional system of raising children, which emphasized discipline and punishment, it is very common for Taiwan men (especially men for whom 'love' has come in the form of strong discipline and parental control) to have experienced physical or psychological abuse. These generate a tremendous amount of pain and anger," explains Chuo. They not only make it impossible for men to get close to those around them and establish intimate relationships with others, they also alienate the individual from himself. In therapy groups, Chuo works to help men open the door to their emotions, to release these potential energies, and to help them rebuild their selves.
"However," explains Chuo, "this is very difficult, because this type of guidance work has only been going on in Taiwan for a few years, and there is inadequate personnel and experience." An even greater difficulty is that men have a very weak self-awareness; they do not realize their own needs.
How can men break free from tradition, affirm themselves, and build their own lives? Tseng Cheng-shih, who often participates in growth groups, has a great deal of experience with and understanding of these issues. As the eldest son, he was overprotected by his parents, especially his mother. He was constantly restrained by rules: no participation in extracurricular activities, no swimming allowed. . . . It was only when his mother died (when Tseng was 22) that he had the chance to break free, and he began to explore the world outside. "It was only when I turned 30 that I suddenly felt grown-up, and I could make my own choices. The first thing I did was to learn how to swim."
As an adult, he was forced to abandon his desire to go out on his own to work, and had to take over the family business. However, to ensure that he would not close himself off inside the family, he has actively participated in social groups and growth classes. He has also brought his introverted father out to participate in social service work, altering the previously closed family system. "To live the kind of life you want to live, you have to strive to learn and change as much as you can," concludes Tseng.
Hit the road, Jack!
Wang Hao-wei likes to describe the expectations of the two genders by pointing to another advertisement: "Some time ago, there was a cigarette ad aimed at women, which declared, 'You've come a long way baby.'" He adds: "For us men, perhaps such an ad should say: 'Brother, the road ahead is long, you should get started.'"
Are you going to become a "new man"? Are you going to be one of those guys who strives to balance tradition and modernity, taking the big picture into account? Are you struggling to break the burden of gender stereotypes, to realize what kind of a person you want to be? The road is long, so you'd better get started!
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