Vision through Music--Xiao Huang-chi

This is how blind singer Xiao Huang-chi has used his voice and personality to move countless people.

It is May 17, 2008 at the Taipei International Convention Center and Xiao Huang-chi is performing as part of his 2008 tour. When Xiao starts singing the song "You are My Eyes" in his clear, strong voice, many members of the audience close their eyes to see what it feels like to be blind. As Xiao sings the words "I hope that I can be cared for by you again in my next life, be your grandson forever and call you grandma one more time..." from his song "What Grandma Told Me," the crowd bursts into tears giving Xiao a thunderous round of applause. At this moment, Xiao also starts to sob out of emotion.

Xiao is not an idol, nor a mainstream artist. While sometimes seen at various performances, Xiao is often overlooked. He was nominated for the third time at this year's Golden Melody Awards and celebrated happily with his parents when he took the prizes for Best Album and Best Male Musician with his Taiwanese album "Sincerity, Love, Music."

Xiao is optimistic and cheerful and not timid or reserved in the slightest. He is pictured here talking with teachers and students from Taipei's Shipai Elementary School.

A sad young superstar

Xiao Huang-chi was born blind due to congenital cataracts. After having an operation at the age of four, he regained some of his sight. Not being able to see very well, Xiao started to explore life and express himself through sound. He enjoyed singing from a young age and was never afraid of performing. His parents never viewed his eyesight as a handicap and each time visitors went to their house, his parents encouraged their son to perform and entertain their guests. During his fifth year of elementary school, Xiao asked his mother to buy a karaoke machine and he used it to record his own album. He gave this album to his family and friends and they were extremely impressed. Back then, everybody called Xiao "a little superstar."

In junior high school, Xiao took part in many singing contests around Taiwan. In his second year of junior high, he took part in a national singing contest for the visually impaired, beating teachers and students from his school to come in at second place. In his third year of junior high, Xiao entered a folk song competition with more than 1,500 competitors and made it into the top ten amongst current idols like Wang Lee Hom and Chang Chen-yue. In the finals, in order to display his creativity, Xiao played a word matching game with his classmates and made it into a song called "A Love Unbeaten by the Storm." Xiao unfortunately lost, but this experience set a strong foundation for his future in music making. Xiao's talent has also made him feel awkward on many occasions for winning too much. One time, he discovered that one of his opponents in a contest was the singing teacher from his school. Xiao ended up winning with his teacher coming in second.

With his optimistic personality and his love for singing, Xiao quickly became an inspiration for everyone at his school. He always got the most attention each time students from other schools visited their school for the visually impaired to gather information for school reports. Xiao was from a poor family and his humble beginnings are what made him mature quicker than regular students.

After Xiao's father lost money doing business, the whole family had to rely on the income their mother made doing cement laying work. In order to improve his family's financial situation, Xiao's father took him to sing in a traditional Taiwanese performance band when he was in junior high. Xiao performed with the band at various venues including weddings and funerals, earning NT$1,000 to NT$1,500 for three songs. Sometimes when the audience got excited, they would shove tips from NT$4,000 or NT$5,000 up to NT$10,000 at the bottom of a large glass of wine. These large amounts of money were attractive; but the premise was that you had to finish the glass of wine in one go.

When Xiao was moving into his final year of junior high, he was invited by an older classmate to sing in a small pub. From listening to what the customers had to say, Xiao discovered that their lives were full of regret, dissolution, anger and loneliness. His experience in this pub later became inspiration for his most famous song, "Black Guitar":

A discontented song / A sorrowful song / I will never finish singing this song / I sing it from late night to the early morning / I don't know what I am singing / I am lonely / I am heartbroken / Who should I sing for?

With music, a dark world can be made bright.

When the sky went dark

One day in his first year of senior high when Xiao was playing basketball with his classmates, he was about to jump up and demonstrate his skill taking rebounds. He was looking at the basketball when all of a sudden, the ball turned into a small dot. The clear sky suddenly darkened and when the ball came down Xiao's way, he got scared and dodged it. Finally, that day he had thought of countless times had come. Xiao went from having weak eyesight to being totally blind. That summer vacation, he had been playing his Nintendo too much and as a result lost that last little bit of vision he had.

After once being one of the only students at his school that could still see, Xiao was extremely upset after becoming totally blind. He also hated himself for being so reckless. He was anxious, terrified, angry and full of regret. When these feelings took him over, Xiao would go up to the school's roof and sing at the top of his voice whilst playing the guitar to vent his anger. When he would go back down and join his classmates again, he would force himself to act in the carefree and comfortable way he had always done around them.

In order to hide the truth, Xiao avoided all contact with his classmates and only walked paths he knew well so as not to bump into other people. Everyone knew that he had changed, but nobody knew why and exactly how he had changed. It was only after another four or five months that his teacher guessed from the slower way he walked that he was fully blind. Xiao's teacher said: "You have to admit that you are totally blind. Regret will stop you from living a full life. Being blind is not scary-what is scary is not being able to face your own destiny. I think you should go and learn some new life skills."

After this, Xiao walked around with a cane. Being able to move around freely again and not being singled out by his classmates gave him back his confidence. At this time, Xiao's feelings changed from suffering to calm acceptance. This took him two years. To ensure he had a skill and could work in the future, he worked hard at learning massage and obtained his massage practitioner's license before graduation.

Despite being blind, Xiao likes to take on various challenges on stage in the hope of becoming a truly well rounded performer. This photo shows a concert held at Outdoor Cafe in Kaohsiung's Urban Spotlight.

Music-a lifelong friend

However, Xiao was not greatly interested in massage. Music was what he had loved and pursued all along. He says that in life's most terrifying moments, music is what has allowed him to forget what he cannot see. Whenever he is feeling low, Xiao picks up his guitar and sings loudly until he feels better. Music is his crutch, his drug. The majority of blind students choose massage as a career. However, after becoming more and more involved with music throughout his life, Xiao decided to go down a path less trodden. He decided on a career in music.

After graduating, Xiao started to look around for jobs performing in restaurants that had live folk song performances. However, when he said that he could not see, he would be refused and not even given the chance to try out. Xiao lets out a soft sigh as he thinks back to those days: "It was a heartbreaking learning experience every time I called places looking for work...."

Finally, Xiao's outstanding voice got him a gig in a restaurant with live performances. He only had one show per week though and it was at a bad time slot with few customers. Nonetheless, he was excited about the opportunity and would sing with all his heart even if there were only a few people in the audience. Xiao's performances were very well received and before long, a lot of people got him to stand in for them. He even started singing in other restaurants.

After this, Xiao headed The Touch Band, which he had put together in senior high school, and they traveled all over Taiwan performing. However, the band struggled financially and was subject to constant discrimination. On one occasion, sound company staff said: "They are blind, so you don't have to worry too much about fixing the sound. Just do whatever!" This insulted the band members greatly. There was another time when they opened up at a concert for more famous artists. As soon as the famous artists arrived, they were told to stop and get off stage. There was even one time when they were giving a New-Year's-Eve performance in Taichung and had boarded an airplane for northern Taiwan to make another show when airline staff asked them to leave on the grounds that they were "incapable of taking care of themselves."

It was not until the group had performed overseas in countries such as China, Japan, the United Kingdom and France that they became better known. At this time, the five band members were invited to perform in various places all around Taiwan, holding shows in venues such as jails, schools, communities and military barracks, changing people with their music.

You are My Eyes

Having made his own album in the fifth grade of elementary school and having written his own music and songs since the second year of junior high, releasing an album was a very natural thing for Xiao when he first started out on his music career. After encouragement from his friends, he started to seek out contracts with record companies. However, he got the same answer each time: "Your music is great, but we have never promoted blind singers and we don't know how to...."

In 2002, Xiao released his first personal album entitled "You are My Eyes," in which he sang about the profound love he had for his ex-girlfriend. Finally, he received attention from record companies and was nominated for Best Songwriter at the 2002 Golden Melody Awards. However, his unique and innocent voice coupled with an image not immediately marketable made him a lonely figure in the pretentious and commercial music industry. His chances of a contract with a record company had now vanished.

It was then that Xiao decided to release his own album. He took out the few hundred thousand NT dollars worth of savings that he had in his bank account and used the money to record and produce his own album. With no money to spend on promotion, Xiao sold his CDs one by one whenever he had a chance to perform. "I believed that as long as people heard my music, there would be people who would like it." At this time during our interview, underneath his sunglasses, a look of resolve came over Xiao's face. Last year, on the television show One Million Star, pop idol Yoga Lin sang Xiao's song "You are My Eyes" and wooed many fans. Xiao became famous all of a sudden and got constant invites from TV stations, businesses and schools. With five to six appearances in various places each day, his songs became extremely popular within the media and on the Internet.

My life, my songs

Many people say that Xiao's songs are simple, direct and real and that they strike a chord within the hearts of everyday people. Xiao says that because he cannot see, his world is not as varied as that of people who can see and therefore he can only rely on everyday life as a basis for his musical creation. He has to carefully analyze every word, every feeling, every smell and every movement and then transform these into musical notes. The world described in Xiao's songs is the world he experiences. Everything in his music is real, living and full of blood, sweat and tears.

"You are My Eyes" is a song about Xiao's own experiences in love, while "What Grandma Told Me" is a song about the affection he felt for his grandmother.

Xiao Huang-chi says that his grandmother really looked after him. When he used to live on campus, he could only go home once a week. As soon as he got home, his grandmother would take him aside and secretly give him things that other people had given her such as gifts and fruit, getting him to promise not to tell anyone. Xiao's grandmother knew that he liked bread. So even if his grandmother did not have much money, she would still spend NT$5 and buy some bread for him. "With grandma around, I never felt lonely, even if I was all by myself."

In 1996, Xiao represented Taiwan's national Judo team at the Atlanta Paralympics, gaining seventh place. On his way back to Taiwan, the hospital where his grandmother was staying sent out a notice that she was critically ill and on the day he returned to Taiwan, his grandmother passed away. This upset Xiao greatly. "When I returned victorious and wanted to share my joy with grandma, she was gone..." After this, Xiao wrote the song "What Grandma Told Me." This song moved the late author Bo Yang so much that he grasped Xiao's hands with emotion.

Willing to walk a tightrope

For Xiao, an album is the ultimate expression of his ideas about making music. However, his biggest wish is to stand on stage and use his voice, expressions and body to prove that even though he is a blind singer, he "can perform and entertain people and be accepted by the mainstream." Therefore, apart from playing his own music and singing, Xiao is also trying to make breakthroughs with bodily expression.

This May at Taipei International Convention Center during a concert that was part of Xiao's tour, for the first time ever the organizers designed and laid down patterned tiles so he could not only stand on the one spot and sing, but also dance during his performance.

When we talked about learning how to dance, Xiao said that while it probably takes most people just a few seconds to learn how to do a dance step with one leg in front with another leg behind, "It took me more than ten minutes to get just that step!" Because he had never seen this step, he had to try and figure it out through oral instruction and try to find where to place his weight. He described the process as "harder than trying to learn music." Whilst the dance performance had its fair share of hiccups, Xiao believes the most important thing is that everyone enjoys themselves and that as long as he can make the audience happy, "I am willing to try anything." He not only wants to learn more complex dance steps, but says: "I am even willing to try walking on a tightrope on stage!"

Another reason why Xiao likes going on stage is feeling the emotions of the crowd and getting a response from them. On one occasion, fans from Taipei went all the way to Kaohsiung and back in one day just to see his concert. "What have I done to deserve such warmth and support from fans that I do not even know personally?" There was even a fan that especially learnt braille and sent Xiao a card using perfect braille. "When I think that it took me quite a few months to learn braille as a youngster, I feel deeply moved by the efforts of my fans," says Xiao.

However, the fan that has left the deepest impression on Xiao is one who recently wrote him a letter. This fan, who suffers from depression, wrote that he had not left home for seven years and was afraid of taking the MRT and being around crowds of people. This fan was undecided for a long time about going to see Xiao's tour and sat in front of his computer buying tickets to the concert and then canceling them. In the end, he finally got the courage to leave home, telling Xiao in the letter "When I see how hard you try, I really feel like I can't keep going on like this...."

An "especially lucky" life

Optimistic, friendly, funny and quick to react are the impressions people have of Xiao. Some even ask: "Is he really blind? He seems to look at the MC when he speaks...." Xiao says: "I only felt pessimistic for the first one or two years I was blind."

Xiao feels that he picked up the hospitality and sincerity of his parents. Although things have not been easy, he has been happy and says, "I am really lucky in the greater scheme of things." He treats everyone like his friend and even when he does not get what he expects he still feels ok. It is this attitude that makes Xiao feel he is "especially lucky."

Looking back at his music career, Xiao has only one small regret. He feels that students in schools for the visually impaired in Taiwan have limited access to resources, more limited circles of activity and less access to information. Even if many of these students like music, they do not know what sort of music is popular outside of their own schools. Former education policies for blind students were based on teaching massage as a future vocation. Given these circumstances, it is very hard to do anything different without courage and a very strong determination and belief in oneself.

Xiao's gamble all those years ago has now not only made him a legend in Taiwan's music history, but has also given him an income "ten times more than before." Xiao now makes more than not only his classmates who got into massage, but more than any average person.

When asked what he would do if that afternoon on the basketball court had never happened and whether he would have chosen music as a career if his eyesight was normal, Xiao says that he would not have gotten into music and most probably would have followed in his parents' footsteps and became a mason or a sports coach. Xiao says that people who can see look at what they can see. "When you can't see, your thoughts are restricted, but you have less distractions and temptations. All you can do is move forward."

Because of music, Xiao's blindness has become a blessing and he has used his voice as a force to share this blessing with the world.