The Real Li Kui

1. Li Kui, known as "Black Whirlwind" for his prowess with a pair of battleaxes, was missing his mother terribly after several months with the Liangshan rebels. He decided to return home and bring his mother back to Liangshan with him.

2. The road home took Li Kui alongside the edge of a forest, where he was accosted by a highwayman. The man leapt out from among the trees yelling: "I'm Li Kui, the Black Whirlwind! Hand it over, your money or your life!"

3. Li Kui saw that his assailant was dressed to look exactly like him. He leaned into the man's face and shouted: "You shitheel! You really think you can rob me by pretending to be me?"

4. "Forgive me, Master!" cried the instantly repentant highwayman. "My name's actually Li Gui, not Li Kui. I'm only doing this because I have a 90-year-old mother at home to support."

5."Here's ten ounces of silver then," said Li Kui. "Get yourself back on the straight and narrow, and take good care of your old mother." Li Gui knelt at his feet and said: "Master, you've saved the lives of both me and my mother. I am forever in your debt."

6. Li Kui continued on his way until he came upon a cluster of thatched cottages. He saw a woman coming out of one of the cottages and said to her: "Ma'am, I'm famished. If you can prepare a meal for me, I'll pay in silver." "Certainly, Sire," replied the woman. "Please wait awhile. I'll rinse some rice and vegetables down at the stream."

7. Just then, Li Gui returned home and came upon the woman-his wife-down by the stream. "What a god-awful day," he fumed. "I bumped into the real Li Kui and he nearly killed me."

8. His wife replied: "There's a fellow waiting over by the cottage right now, that must be him. What do we do?" "You make his dinner, and we'll spike his drink with something lethal. That way we'll get to keep his money and belongings, and I can carry on pretending to be Li Kui without anything to worry about. I'll be able to steal even more than before!"

9. Li Kui, who had been heading down to the stream to relieve himself, heard everything. "You scum!" he erupted. "I spared your life and gave you silver, and in return you want to kill me. What utter treachery!" With a few hacks of his saber, he sent the luckless pair to an early grave.