Confessions of a Bullied Child

"Girls at junior high, we're a cunning lot," says Xiao Ling. The female student body tends to split into many smaller cliques, and sometimes girls will come together over a shared dislike for a particular person.

The generally outgoing Xiao Ling was originally part of a well-known group of seven girls in her class, but when she wasn't willing to go along with their shared dislike of one of their classmates, she became a target herself, getting ostracized and called "arrogant."

"I was good friends with a lot of boys I went to elementary school with, and they -really didn't like that," she says. The other girls began hurling harsh insults at Xiao Ling, calling her a "whore," a "slut," and many other hurtful things.

"It made me sad to hear those insults -every day at school, and over time they piled up and I started to get depressed."

Xiao Ling, crying, told her mother what was happening, and her mother told the home-room teacher, but the home-room -teacher was an inexperienced male teacher, with no understanding of the tricks young girls have up their sleeves. He figured that since the girls being accused seemed so well liked in the class, it must have been Xiao Ling that was in the wrong, and he demanded that she apologize to the girls. Confident she'd done nothing wrong, Xiao Ling refused to give in and show weakness, and so began a long year of worsening "social bullying."

Her classmates ignored and ostracized Xiao Ling, even ignoring her birthday. When it was time to split up into groups, they would pick people around her, but leave her on her own. When handing things out, they would just throw hers to her. They even cut her out of class photos. They even began spreading rumors about her, giving her a bad reputation that spread beyond just her class.

"The teachers just pretended not to notice, figuring that everything would sort itself out," says Xiao Ling. There were some students who didn't agree with what was happening, but nonetheless wouldn't stand behind Xiao Ling publicly. Some acted two-faced, chatting with her in private, but joining in the lynching in public.

Some students who had already graduated but not yet moved on to high school got to know Xiao Ling through blogs, and when they learned of the bullying she was being subjected to, they "righteously" confronted her classmates by the school gates, speaking up for her.

The help that these "outsiders" provided, though, only served to further tarnish Xiao Ling's reputation, and these people who had tried to help only ended up causing further pain for her.

Already ostracized by her peers, Xiao Ling also gradually became the target of some people outside the school. She would have her way blocked in the lanes near the school, and people would follow her home. At night, they would stand outside her building yelling her name, while others constantly called her cellphone, harassing and threatening her.

Xiao Ling didn't dare tell her teachers, partly out of concern that they would think it was her fault for bringing in "those outsiders," and partly for fear that she would have to go talk to the student affairs officer again. She didn't want to tell her parents either, because the atmosphere at home was already strained and she didn't want to put her parents under further stress.

Alone and with no-one to turn to, Xiao Ling lived in fear, hiding and bursting into tears whenever she heard people outside calling her name.

Being isolated from her peers, harassed by her one-time online supporters-who turned out to be gangsters-and facing problems at home, Xiao Ling began to fall apart, hiding at home all day afraid to step outside, even to go to school.

Although she didn't fully understand what Xiao Ling was going through, Xiao Ling's mother could see she didn't want to go to school, and worked hard to find some way to get her transferred to a different school, where she could get a fresh start.

Once she had escaped that climate of fear, Xiao Ling received some apologetic text messages from former classmates who felt guilty about what had happened. She was able to forgive those who had caused her so much pain, and the distance gave her a clearer perspective on what had happened.

"Those people who were harassing me had their own problems at home," she says. The gangsters in particular had been people who seemed like ordinary people at first, but after indulging her curiosity further, Xiao Lin discovered they were gangsters and delinquents; once she broke off communication, they turned on her and became another intractable problem.

"They put on tough fronts, but inside they're actually just scared," says Xiao Ling. She's come to understand that even though they talked a big game, they didn't dare actually do anything to her.

Today, Xiao Ling seems to be back to normal, but the experience has still left its scars. When she's feeling down, memories of the past come back to haunt her, "and I just burst into tears the moment I think of all that."

Making a new start hasn't been easy for Xiao Ling either.

"I became less willing to trust other people," she says, and she had trouble really connecting with others. At some level, she's still afraid that history might repeat itself.

This loss of motivation to get close to others has caused some problems to once again rear their heads. She began skipping school because she didn't have friends there, and whispers of, "If she's just going to keep skipping school, why'd she bother transferring?" began circulating. People talking behind her back only made her even less enthusiastic about going to school.

"Now I feel like just being able to put on the uniform and study alongside everyone else would be a great thing," says Xiao Ling, her eyes awash in loneliness. She continues to get help and counseling, and hopes she'll soon be able to overcome her psychological obstacles.

While there may not be many headline-worthy cases of students being beaten and bloodied on campuses, stories like Xiao Ling's, of students who look fine from the outside but are crying on the inside, are far from rare. Those of us in the adult world should think long and hard about how we can help people like Xiao Ling escape this dark cloud and enjoy a happy and carefree adolescence.