Why the Third Person Singular?

Before my friend had a Down's syndrome child I had absolutely no understanding of this condition. I just depended on a memory I have of the opening reception of an acquaintance's photography exhibition at which there were displayed an array of rather shocking black and white photographs of distorted faces on the walls. My fear of "that unfortunate world" seemed to suppress any feelings of sympathy.

When my friend's baby was born I was abroad. On hearing the news my mind went blank apart from one thought: why them? this only son, of such great character, and his 27-year-old wife, who is full of curiosity and has undertaken voluntary work for disabled groups since her university days.

Loving children make the best companions: I immediately wrote a letter to urgently tell my friend that life is always difficult, that all kinds of sufferings shape our lives and it is obvious that God has allowed them to look after this child because he knows how good they are. I also told my mother in a letter home about what had happened. Her reaction was: Tell them not to worry, it is only the first one. If they keep on trying then God will certainly give such good people a healthy baby.

The following month I heard that my friends were still in a state of confusion and were thinking of sending their child away. I tried asking an English friend what his thoughts on this matter were. To my surprise, he reacted by asking what all the trouble was about. He told me that children with Down's syndrome respond very strongly to love and that many foster parents specially want to raise such children because their closeness makes them such warm companions. These children might be weak in health but modern treatments can help with this. "Haven't you noticed that in a lot of the supermarkets here the cashiers and assistants are people with Down's syndrome?" he asked, before continuing to talk about the various syndromes and symptoms that might appear.

Seeing my surprise, he explained, "I myself did not know any of this before. It was only in the 1970s that a lot of organizations of parents of Down's syndrome children began a very big social movement to fight for their rights and interests. The media kept it going for a long time. If you do not know about things then you cannot do anything."

With some doubt, I asked other people about this and their reactions all seemed to be the same. A middle-aged housewife even said, "Tell your friends that their anguish is really quite selfish, actually, because parents have children to give them a happy life. Children with Down's syndrome are the most warm and happy of infants, so why should the parents feel so aggrieved?"

These words seemed very reasonable to me and I quickly made a phone call to report what I had heard. My friend on the other end of the line just flatly replied, "You don't know. You are not qualified to talk like that."

Starting to walk and sing: Gradually I began to receive photographs of my friend's child and hear news of her progress: How much milk she could drink, how she would turn over and fall out of bed, how she could kick up a fuss and was getting her own opinions!

My friend's wife also began to work again, even taking on an extra job on the side so as to pay for the medicine for her child's therapy. When husband and wife finished work for the day, they would take their child all over the place to try to find a good therapy center. I also began to hear about many new experiences: "Do you know that there is a reason for parents liking to swing their children up and down in their arms? This movement can stimulate the frontal lobe of the child's brain. Now, whenever we have time, we swing our's up and down and often massage her whole body so that she can grow better."

The biggest news was when the girl began to walk--at the age of two years and one month. Her parents had been very worried about her bowed legs and the fact that most children begin to walk at the age of one. When their little one began to walk, you can just imagine how delighted they were.

When I returned to Taiwan, my friend's child was two-and-half, lively, loving and singing along with her mother as she clapped her little hands. On weekdays my friend would bring his daughter to the office and take her to social gatherings and on outings. They organized people and produced a leaflet about Down's syndrome and all the while my friend's wife never stopped her work with the disabled.

Their world? I often wonder what I would do if I had a child with Down's syndrome. I would probably never be able to cope as well as my friend has. I have married late and have a lot of pressure at work and am at an advanced age for childbearing. Do I really have the courage to have a child?

The problem with having children is that husband and wife think they will be able to care for and love another little life. It might be good looking or it might be ugly, or it could have some kind of deficiency. Even supposing you have a healthy and beautiful child, it could suffer brain damage from a fever at the age of two; it could end up like the neighbor's child who did well at school only to have a breakdown when the examination results were posted this year; it could be involved in a car accident before graduating from university. One thing about people is that they will get sick and they will get old; they will look bad and they will move badly . . . . Nothing can be certain in this rapidly changing society, this treacherous and uncertain life.

Must this be so? Who can say that the world of the child with Down's syndrome, or any other kind of physical or mental disability, is "their unfortunate, pitiable" world. The truth is that there is only one world and we all live in the same society. But at times "we" can become "them." Only by not dividing "us," but instead creating together a life that can accept and respect differences, and by absorbing sufficient appropriate knowledge in a society that provides legal guarantees, can we attain a true physical and spiritual peace and stability. Then we will no longer need to remain in a state of apprehension, afraid that we might have a child with Down's syndrome or become an "unfortunate" statistic deserving "sympathy."

[Picture Caption]

Children with Down's syndrome are physically weaker but modern medicine can do much to help. With parental love and early treatment they can look after themselves an d live happily.

Hey, do I look violent? Of course not. Children with Down's syndrome respond very strongly to love and make the warmest and happiest of infants.

Much taking part in group activities is a good break from being with one's parents every day and also gives other children a chance to learn about and respect those who might be different from themselves.

Hey, do I look violent? Of course not. Children with Down's syndrome respond very strongly to love and make the warmest and happiest of infants.

Much taking part in group activities is a good break from being with one's parents every day and also gives other children a chance to learn about and respect those who might be different from themselves.