Once busy as chief of medicine at Air Force General Hospital and later with his own practice, Chen Ping-chien always put his patients first and rarely had time for his two sons. Then 12 years ago, after they left home for college, Chen was struck by the emptiness of his home.
"In the past, I was always flying around outside, and now that I've finally come home to roost, my sons have flown, one studying in America and the other working as a doctor in Tainan," he laughs.
"When the kids are no longer around, I often feel regretful for not being able to share good things with them. When they were little I took them out to play badminton; now I play alone. It's hard not to feel lonely," says Chen. Father-son relationships tend to be reserved in Chinese society, but Chen acknowledges that the day he saw his elder son off to study for his PhD abroad, he felt a great reluctance to let him go. "Boys like to show how strong they are, so I worried that he'd only write to me about good things and not about his concerns or if his course load is too heavy for him to take proper care of himself."
Lin Sui-tsu, who in her younger days felt that raising children was tough work, now sighs with longing: "Before I knew it, my sons were grown. It's like it was all a dream. Sometimes I want to have another kid!"
Once when Lin was joking around with her older son, tugging at his hair, he said, with great sentiment, "Mom, you have to pull harder. If you don't pull as hard as when I was little, I'll be sad!"
"Our sons have grown to the point that they're concerned about us. It was only when we had truly entered this stage that we realized the change in their frame of mind," says Lin, her sigh betraying a sense of pride.
"My relationships with my wife and my children are on two different levels. With the kids around, life was richer and more dynamic, but my wife is the one I'll spend the rest of my life with." After the children left, the couple used their newly gained spare time to do things like learn painting, go dancing and play sports. They also spent time making travel plans: sometimes when they felt that their world was too small, they would call together some other empty nesters and travel together.
"Without my wife, I wouldn't know how to prepare my meals. She's not only a partner for my life, but also for my spirit," says Chen coyly yet sincerely. "We really are in the best years of our lives. Instead of fighting over trivial things like we did in our younger years, now we're much more relaxed, getting along without pressure. Like enjoying a nice cup of tea, the feelings are stronger than before and I love her even more. It feels like when we first met and started dating."
Dr. Chen, who in his youth wrote over 700 love letters in two years' time, underscores once again that "Without my wife, I might not be this happy." This illustrates the new joy of rebuilding the nest from an empty one into one filled with love.
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