When We Were One: Old Classmates Reunite

What pops into your head when you receive an invitation to an alumni get-together? Do you attend yours?

David E. Bell, a professor with the Harvard Business School, once advised a group of graduating students not to attend their five-year reunion, suggesting that it was very risky.

Different generations share different memories of their formative years. The children born in the 1960s who later participated in Taiwan’s student movements have been crucial to Taiwan’s social reforms.

Bell’s rationale was that reunions compel students to confront their achievements or lack thereof. He argued that attendees begin scoping out the make and model of the other cars in the parking lot the moment they arrive, trying to suss out how well their classmates have done since graduation and how well they measure up.

“A reunion incites huge anxieties about how you’ve done in your career and your value as an individual,” said Bell. He worried that attendance can be detrimental to attendees’ sense of self, making them more cautious and less likely to pursue their true ambitions while not necessarily increasing their chances of conventional success.

There’s certainly at least a grain of truth in Bell’s view.

After reviewing her own and her friends’ experiences, columnist Lee Wei-jing realized that the people who attended class reunions were those who had been popular in school.

“What would the wallflowers and the outsiders have to reminisce about?” asks Lee. “No matter how gorgeous or successful I’d become, they’d only see the ugly, pudgy, pimply, moon-faced girl of yore.” One wants still more, she writes, “to receive some affirmation from these people, some acknowledgement that I’ve changed.”

The blogger Mimiko observes that classmate reunions for those over 30 occur naturally around the banquet tables at classmates’ weddings.

At that age, more and more people are bringing wives or husbands along to gatherings. Marriage has become an indicator of fulfillment in life. “The singles in attendance become the focus of the whole class’s barbs. Even when they don’t say anything, the looks of those who are married sting. Even when they’re grinning, their expressions are shocking. It’s as if they’re looking right through you.”

Memories are one of the great assets of our later years, and gatherings with old classmates one of the great pleasures.

Granted that there are any number of reasons not to attend a class reunion, is there a good time to go? Professor Bell’s advice was to wait until at least 25 years after graduating. Taipei First Girls High School’s (TFGHS) tradition of a 30-year class reunion is a great case in point.

The tradition grew out of an annual gathering of alumnae in Southern California.

In 1984, Chiang Hsueh-chu, a former TFGHS principal, visited Los Angeles at the age of 84. Alumnae in the area held a banquet on her behalf on September 28, which nearly 300 people attended. In fact, so many came from all over the US that those who arrived late had nowhere to sit. Though not all of those present were young, the festivities stretched far into the night. Before departing, the attendees resolved to establish an alumni association and stay in touch.

TFGHS’s Southern California alumni association has held an annual gathering in September ever since. Beginning in the 1990s, it also began organizing 30-year class reunions.

“Thirty years is a better interval for a reunion than 10 or 20 years,” says Huang Horng-shya, an attorney with Formosa Transnational and head of the Tai­pei alumni association. “Any earlier and you might not be able to pull it off.” Huang says that by that time, people have entered the “empty nest” phase. Their children have grown, their lives have lost their tight focus, and they are generally more financially secure, meaning they are more likely to have the time and the means to travel halfway around the world to visit with classmates.

(left) What kind of power holds groups together for more than 60 years and even strengthens members’ ties to one another? These 80-year-old alumni of Hualien’s Fonglin Primary School have been meeting for 20 years.Look closely! That old pine tree on the campus is a friend from long ago.

“Class reunions aren’t the exclusive domain of the middle-aged and elderly,” notes Jian Miao-ju, an associate professor in the Department of Communications at National Chung Cheng University. Jian argues that because the mobility of the workforce in highly competitive industrial societies can leave people feeling isolated, they tend to want to belong to some kind of community.

That said, people of different ages and generations have different expectations of and feelings about class reunions.

Jian says the children of the 1940s, 50s, and early 60s, most of whom are nearing retirement or have already retired, approach class reunions with confidence and are enthusiastic about attending. Born during the postwar baby boom, these are the generations that built the prosperity Taiwan enjoys today. They grew up in a time when hard work was almost certain to yield success, and enjoyed a high degree of class mobility. “Reuniting provides them with an opportunity to reminisce on their glory days. Many lost touch with one another in the pre-Internet era, so they cherish the chance to get together in person.”

In contrast, those born in the 1960s and 70s are generally still working and raising families, and their feelings about reunions are much more mixed. “Going to a class reunion is like giving a midterm report on your life. Everyone is grading everyone else. How have you been doing these last few years? It’s hard not to be conflicted about attending.” But an unwillingness to accept the onset of middle age makes many want to seek out their old classmates to rehash simpler times, revive their youthful verve, and enjoy a momentary escape from the stress of their present-day life.

Audiences found You Are the Apple of My Eye, a popular recent film that recounted the events of the protagonists’ youth, easy to relate to.

According to Lii Ding-tzann, a professor with the Institute of Sociology at National Tsing Hua University, relationships among classmates are “serendipitous” and, unlike typical social or professional relationships, unsullied by thoughts of gain or advancement. In his view, they are more “affective,” which can make reunions especially joyful.

Writer Kelly Chen loves to attend all kinds of small reunions, whether of the guitar club at her high school or the fishing-village support team at her university. “You can talk to them about your worries and peeves, about the trials and obstacles you’ve faced, without being self-conscious about it,” she says. “They won’t misunderstand you, because they know who you really are.”

Interestingly, once you leave school, the friends you made there can become your most valuable contacts.

“From the standpoint of social network theory, the best networks are those built on non-utilitarian relationships,” explains Lin Ming-jen, an associate professor in the Department of Economics at National Taiwan University. “These connections aren’t intentional; they form naturally.”

Imagine for a moment an exuberant reunion at which everyone is a little drunk. People blurt out all kinds of things about who happens to be falling in love or changing jobs. They also exchange a good deal of information about their workplaces. “Class reunions are a forum for intensive information exchange,” says Lin. “You have much greater ‘trust capital’ with these people than with others, and are therefore willing to share and reveal more.”

Many professionals enroll in executive MBA programs to develop their network of contacts; and all participants benefit to some degree from their classmates’ networks. “The modern era places a lot of emphasis on integration and interdisciplinary work,” says Lin. “Get-togethers involving former members of student clubs who pursued different fields are perhaps more likely to spark something.”

Our early years are filled with naïve romantic notions, but also see us cultivate the sort of friendships that provide support through thick and thin.

It tends to be easier to track people down for high-school and university class reunions because people tend to have a good deal of overlap among their university and professional contacts. On the other hand, most people assume it’s virtually impossible to arrange a reunion with classmates from their elementary-school days.

Nonetheless, the 15th graduating class of the Affiliated Elementary School of the Provincial Hsin­chu Normal School (now the National Hsin­chu University of Education) didn’t just dream about bringing everyone back together; they built their own website and have been meeting regularly for the last few years.

Why are the school’s former students so motivated? “It’s all in gratitude for the loving education we received at our alma mater,” says Huang Guan­qiu, now a 65-year-old doctor with Tai­tung St. Mary’s Hospital. “The school provided us with happy, healthy childhoods, and taught us to love others and believe in ourselves.”

Teaching at the cutting-edge affiliated elementary school was the number-one ambition of the Normal School’s graduates. More than half of the school’s teachers lived on campus, and the students were permitted to choose for themselves from among extracurricular activities that included calligraphy, painting, dance, track and field, and Go.

Students remained with the same class for their entire elementary-school career, forming very tight bonds with their classmates. Each 120-student grade level was also subdivided into four “boroughs,” each of which elected its own “borough chief” to represent it in a “borough assembly.” Students learned democratic self-government at an early age, and held campaign marches on campus during each of their “mayoral” elections.

In May 2010, on the occasion of his 50-year class reunion, Huang pulled out the recollections he’d jotted down 26 years before at his 24-year class reunion. The document was filled with loving memories of everyone sharing their snacks with poorer classmates on outings, of the lack of anger and recriminations when the whole class had had to clean up some accidentally broken glass, and of their straight-backed former principal quietly squatting to pick up paper trash.

Everyone looked forward to having their memories refreshed by still more of Huang’s recollections this time.

A hug represents many years of caring and well wishes. A 30-year reunion of graduates of Taipei First Girls High School brims with good feelings.

The modern era has seen people grow more distant from one another and traditional familial and neighborly relationships become more tenuous. In such a social environment, reunions can offer timely support.

Jian Meng­qiang is a Tai­pei interior designer who studied architecture in college. Though his work keeps him very busy, he has volunteered to organize his class’s reunion in every year since his discharge from the military.

One member of Jian’s class actually took time off from work to reconnect with a classmate who they had discovered was “living a life of the spirit” in the mountains. When classmates attending the reunion learned that their cloistered classmate was becoming detached from the real world, they became quite concerned and resolved to take action.

Prior to last year’s reunion, Jian consulted with an exceptionally resourceful classmate about a means to check that their reclusive classmate was in fact doing alright. Jian’s “consultant”—an outstanding student who had gone on to be a gangster—appealed to their old friend’s feelings for the group, saying: “Listen to me. You have to come to this year’s reunion. Many of us have lost our way these last few years. Me, for example. I’ve taken a wrong turn. Please come open everyone’s eyes!”

“Our intention was to make him recall the happy times he’d had with us when he was young and draw him back into the group,” says Jian. “Or at least let in a breath of air.”

Class reunions enable everyone to lend a hand, making the path forward easier. They also serve to stir warm memories in people entering their later years.

The first class from Hsin­chu’s Zhu­lian Elementary School graduated in 1957 and began holding reunions when they turned 50 years old (many were teachers who had retired at the age of 50). A few years ago, the 65-and-over retirees began taking annual trips, and last year they added an annual banquet to their events schedule.

“Who knows. There may be one fewer of us at each year’s banquet going forward,” says someone, before being immediately “corrected” by the group. “What I mean is that we have to keep ourselves healthy if we’re going to make it here every year. But I know in my heart that even if our numbers were whittled down to just two and both of us in wheelchairs, we’d still hold the banquet.”

A group of 1943 graduates of Hua­lien’s Fong­lin Primary School began holding annual reunions when they turned 60, a tradition that has lasted more than 20 years now. Four or five years ago, group members began feeling that their time might be getting shorter, and changed their get-togethers to one every other month. More than 20 of them still attend the gatherings, which usually involve eating, chatting, and a visit to a karaoke, either in Hua­lien City or Feng­lin Township.

Cai Jin­ren, a student of the culture and history of Feng­lin, says that in rural areas with aging populations, class reunions often serve a recreational and local support function. Where they help the elderly pass on their memories of their youth, they are also a precious cultural resource.

Memories are one of the great assets of our later years, and gatherings with old classmates one of the great pleasures.

In addition to offering attendees an outing and the opportunity to rehash the events of the past, broadly understood, reunions deepen the various generations’ sense of participation in Taiwanese society.

For example, when the ROC Military Academy in 1984 celebrated the 60th anniversary of its founding at Wham­poa, the white-haired alumni in attendance got started planning a 2010 gathering in Nan­jing to celebrate the 65th anniversary of the end of World War II and to bring their profound personal experience of history to bear on the issue of cross-strait peace.

Some people carried over their youthful passion into activities beyond the school walls. Prior to the lifting of martial law in the 1980s, the Lan-lin Theater, an important player on Taiwan’s theatrical scene, was synonymous with vibrancy and creativity, and attracted many young people to its ranks. Thirty years later, the group celebrated the 70th birthday of spiritual leader Wu Jing-jyi by having old troupe members retake the stage to perform Lan-lin classics.

The term “alumni association of the children of the 60s” used by the participants in the student movements of the 1980s—the decade surrounding the lifting of martial law—is suggestive of the social renaissance then underway. That generation’s collective introspection and public action did more than give it a platform, it helped propel our society forward.

Don’t underestimate the power of class reunions. A simple gathering can inaugurate a spiritual journey and stir up waves that will alter the course of your later life!